


When I remembered, I forgot who I am

by fromstarlighttodust



Series: Remember, Love, Forget, Repeat. [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But he's trying, Character Death, Eren is an even bigger wreck now, Erica probably shouldn't be allowed to give Eren advice but she does, Hanji as well while you're at it, Hanji's too good at her job, I'm really better at angst than fluff, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Original Character(s), Please Don't Hate Me, Someone get Levi a damn medal, Someone needs to hug the boys, Suicide Attempt, all I can tell you is I already gave you all the clues you need to not riot on me, and here we are again, concerning but consensual sex, especially Levi but he won't accept it probably, hes terrible at this, i'm sorry in advance, like a lot worse, someone send Levi help, suggested infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:10:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 35,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstarlighttodust/pseuds/fromstarlighttodust
Summary: Eren is safe and everything should be back to normal, but he can't shake the anger he has, the feeling that he can never marry who he had been with who was created from his trauma. He recognizes that he is expected to be ho he once was, but in trying to be that person he feels like he is turning his back on a whole new part of his personality. While Eren attempts to find an outlet for the rage pent up inside of him, he realizes that some of that anger is directed towards those he loves, who aren't acknowledging the part of him that was created during his time without memories. He finds himself without someone to talk to about his troubles as he struggles to maintain a relationship he fears is deteriorating. Meanwhile Levi fights to find a way to reach his younger husband as he worries that Eren is slipping away from him, unable to find a way to ask him to talk about what is bothering him. Both men struggle with the idea that perhaps, their relationship was never truly meant to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, lovelies!!!! I missed you all! Here is the third and final installment of the series. I think I'm going to post once a week. It's good to be back :D

Eren leaned over, his hands hanging limply from where he rested his elbows on his knees, the darkness of the room he shared with Levi seeming almost suffocating. He glanced over his shoulder at the sleeping form of his husband and sighed softly. Part of him wanted to crawl back into bed and cuddle away the feelings raging a small war within him, but the majority of him was in agreement that it was better not to wake the older man. After all, everything was supposed to be good now. Everything was meant to be better, now with his memories returned to him, Eren was supposed to be fine. And yet… It was like there were two Erens locked inside of him now, two vastly different people who were both aiming for the total domination the his mind and body. One, the kind and caring man he had been before anything happened to him, the man who vomited at the sight of blood and shied away and tried to make amends when ever someone so much as raised their voice to him. The man who always smiled and treated everyone with soft understanding, never angry and never judging. The other, was filled with rage. He was the Eren that took to power like a fish to water. The one who wouldn’t hesitate to kill a man should he stand in his way. The man who’s gaze alone could inspire fear in even the most hardened Yakuza, who had earned himself the title of ‘The Titan’ in record time, with no question to wether or not it was deserved. The man who, despite what he tried to say, liked what that title meant. 

The first Eren is the one that he knew everyone expected. The one that Levi searched for in his eyes, the one that Hanji joked with, the one that Mikasa spoke to and the one that Armin smiled at. The second Eren was the one that detested all of these things. The second Eren clenched his fists as he was pushed aside for the first Eren. The second Eren’s anger only grew as the first Eren was pushed forward as the ‘correct’ one, like the second one wasn't the one who had taken all the steps necessary for the first one to reemerge. Like he wasn't the one who kept the man together, kept him from shattering for all that time and did was was needed when it was asked of him. And now that the first Eren had returned, the second personality was expected to just vanish as it had appeared? Well, he wasn’t having that. No, that personality pushed against the kind Eren, forcing random fits of unbridled rage to seep into his mind, leaving Eren shaking and breathing hard as he fought against the overwhelming bloodlust that coursed through his veins at the most unexpected moments. The intense, dark feelings he could only just suffocate enough that no one noticed they were there.

Despite it being meant to be a good thing, Eren was beginning to think that the ‘miracle’ of his memories returning was just a curse in fancy clothing. Before his memories came back to him, he fully embraced the second Eren, it being the only way he knew to be and the anger, the desire to kill, to dominate those weaker than himself, was much easier to manage. It wasn’t pushed to the far corner of his mind and that made it simpler to take care of. Before, he didn’t know the gentleness he once possessed and thusly, there was no war to be had within his own mind. Before, he could be Titan and not question himself, even if Levi and Hanji worried over him. They were still looking for the old Eren, even when Eren himself hadn’t been aware of his previous self’s existence. He had been certain that they would come to accept him as he was now… But that was before he recovered his memories. Now, they expected him to be as he was, and he did try. Believe, he tried. But the darkness in his mind was rearing it’s head more and more frequently the longer he went without the feeling of another’s blood on his hands, the longer he went without the feeling of bones cracking under his fists, the feeling of his mind going fuzzy, just simple words running through, ‘punish’, ‘hurt’, ‘kill’, the feeling of cold steal fitting neatly into his palm.

And he couldn’t tell a soul about those feelings, not without risking the looks of disappointment that would come with that confession. Levi had returned to how things had been, as if he could still hide the darkness in the world from Eren, as if Eren didn’t now know exactly what that darkness looked like with now vast personal experience. Hanji hadn’t asked for Eren’s help again since those cursed memories returned, leaving Eren wth no outlet for his rage. How he longed for something, anything to let these feelings out on without repercussion. He feared the day they swallowed him completely and he could no longer control them, couldn't lock them away where his loved ones couldn’t see them. 

Eren had managed to suffocate them down for a year so far, but it came at great cost. He was withdrawing from those who loved him, slowly but surely, pulling back and away to make sure they weren't caught up in the war within him. Eren held no illusions that no one had noticed that, he could see the pain in Levi’s eyes when Eren backed away from him of avoided contact at times, he could see the concern all over Hanji’s face when he shut himself away to keep them safe from his hidden away rage. The only solace that he had was that they didn't know why and he would do anything to keep it that way.

He heard movement behind him and immediately pushed a gentle smile to his lips and he glanced over his shoulder, looking at the sleepy eyes of Levi.

“You ok?” Levi muttered, blinking sleepily at Eren.

“Yeah, just going to the bathroom. Go back to sleep,” Eren stood, praying he had managed to suffocate the shaking.

“Mm,” Levi groaned softly and rolled to face Eren completely. He looked like he was about to say something, but he just shut his eyes and nodded.

Eren quickly retreated to the bathroom, breathing deeply once there to calm himself completely in case Levi was still awake when he returned. As it turned out, it was a smart move because the door to the bathroom swung open a moment later and Levi walked into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around Eren’s waist.

“I adore you,” Levi said softly.

“I love you, too,” Eren whispered, burying his face into the dark hair of his husband.

“No matter what,” Levi muttered into Eren’s chest and then he turned away, to the dark bedroom, and limped out of the dimly lit bathroom.

Eren watched him go, feeling a familiar pang of guilt shoot through him. It came every time he saw Levi’s gait or heard the soft grunts of pain that Levi tried to suffocate. Eren still felt guilty for the wound that had caused the limp, but he also felt guilty for the fact that it was nothing other than his own determination that had forced Levi back to his feet. He knew that Levi was in incredible amounts of pain with every step he took as well as ashamed by his continued reliance on his cane, but he wouldn’t go against Eren’s convictions to see him walk again. He hid his pain well, even if it was clear as day to Eren, all to make Eren happy. As it had always been, Levi couldn’t deny Eren anything.

Which is why Eren often wondered why he didn’t bring up this second Eren inside him. If he asked it, he was certain that Levi would give him an outlet. But he still dreaded the look in those black-silver eyes as Levi granted his request. He knew that Levi would be saddened by the knowledge that Eren had this anger inside of him. Eren knew that Levi wanted nothing more that the man he had fallen in love with, and the second Eren wasn’t that, no matter what gentle assurances the older man offered.

Eren sighed and splashed some cool water on his face before he went back to bed. Levi was already asleep when he got back and Eren curled up into a ball at the edge of his side of the bed, closing his eyes, hoping for sleep.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Once Eren’s breathing evened out, Levi sat up again. He frowned, looking over the sleeping form of his husband. The position he was in to sleep on it’s own was enough to show how the younger man was suffering. Slowly, as quietly as he could he rolled out of bed. Dressing in the dark and shuffling out of the room Levi was conflicted. He knew that Eren was doing all that he could to hide how much he was struggling and Levi wanted to respect that, wanted to give Eren the room he was silently asking for. Yet, in the past year, Levi felt like there was a growing rift between himself and the younger man. This distance was almost harder than when Eren had been taken. Then, Levi knew what he had to do. Eren was not within his grasp and he knew that all he had to do was find his husband and everything would be better. Now, Levi had no idea how to fix this. 

Eren was right there physically, where Levi could find him at a moment’s notice, but mentally, emotionally, he was miles and miles away. Levi didn’t know how to cross a chasm such as that. He didn't know how to pull Eren back to him in a situation like this one.

Levi limped down the stairs and into Hanji’s lab. She wouldn't be there for several hours unless he called her, but Levi had no intention of doing that. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the wheelchair she still kept in the back corner, like a memento or something. Snorting through his nose at the ridiculousness of how his heart skipped a bit at the sight of it, like seeing an old friend, he hobbled over and sunk down into it, resting his cheek against his fist, propping his elbow against the armrest. He had hated being stuck in this chair, even when he had resigned himself to it, but now, with the pain coursing through his legs and back with every step he took, this damn chair was like a long lost relief. Using the hand not holding up his face, he aided his disobedient legs in their effort to cross. Finally having accomplished his task, Levi sighed back into the chair. He decided to allow himself a few hours of sitting in it until a bit before Hanji arrived. After all, he knew that he wouldn't be getting any more sleep next to Eren with the worry his younger husband forced through his veins.

It was like that that Hanji found him, having dozed off sitting comfortably, waiting for her. She almost didn't wake him but a quick glance at her watch told her that Eren would be awake soon, and seeing Levi sleeping in the chair would hurt him on more than one level. So instead, she shook her boss awake who looked mildly embarrassed at having been caught.

“You can’t-“ Levi began but cut himself off, shaking his head to clear the sleep. 

“Don’t worry, I wont tell Eren,” Hanji crossed her arms. “Get up, though. He’ll be coming down soon. Are we to be pretending to work?”

“Yes. No! Dammit, Hanji,” Levi glared at her like she had said something horrible as he wiped his face to clear the obvious exhaustion and forced himself to a standing position and walked over to one of the tables in the room. He leaned on it heavily until Hanji slid a glass of water over to him and two white pills, which he took almost too quickly.

“You’ll tell me why you were in here, won’t you?” Hanji asked, softly. 

 “How do I…” Levi began but let his voice drift off. “It’s my house,” he said finally.

Hanji sighed and put her hands on her hips, looking all too judgmental for Levi’s liking before she reached into her bag and pulled out a few documents, placing them on the table in front of Levi. “Work,” she muttered.

A few minutes later, Levi spoke without looking up. “Maybe I should take him away.”

Hanji’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“Eren. Maybe… I should take him somewhere he could start again,” Levi continued to look over the papers in front of him, as if what he was suggesting wasn’t out of left field for Hanji.

“And what would happen to this family?” Hanji crossed her arms, frowning.

“It has you,” Levi muttered.

“Oh, so you’d be leaving me behind as well?” Hanji’s frown grew. “Well, that’s a terrible idea, isn't it? Who would keep you two alive?”

“There’s always the other option,” Levi muttered.

“Disbanding?” Hanji’s eyebrows raised even higher.

Levi sighed. “He’d never forgive me for that, would he?”

“I think not,” Hanji crossed her arms.

“Maybe… It’s me,” Levi whispered, the pen that hadn’t stopped moving throughout the whole conversation stilled.

“What’s you?” Hanji tilted her head to the side.

“Maybe what is hurting him is being with me,” Levi’s voice was so quiet that Hanji had to strain to hear it.

Hanji opened her mouth to rebuff that comment when she heard shuffling coming down the hallway. She turned just in time to see Eren coming into the room, balancing three mugs.

“Good morning!” He said cheerfully and handed one mug to Hanji before placing one of the others in front of Levi. “Coffee, light and sweet to Hanji and a breakfast tea for Levi.”

Hanji smiled. “Thanks.” Levi just stared at the cup as if his brain had stalled after his last statement.

Eren’s eyes softened, watching him. “You must be tired. I’m sorry I woke you up last night.”

Levi shook his head, as if jolting himself back into awareness. “It’s fine.”

“So,” Eren plopped down across from Levi. “I thought about it and I think I need to go back to work.” 

“That’s not a bad idea. I don't mind you hanging around with me, but I’m honestly shocked you haven't gone stir crazy,” Hanji replied, easily.

“To be honest, it’s not so much that I hate hanging around, I’m just starting to feel like Levi’s trophy husband or something. I feel like I need to do something,” Eren laughed.

Levi had gone back to the papers in front of him and quietly sipped his tea before looking Eren dead in the eyes. “You make a good trophy husband. Certainly pretty enough.”

Eren blinked at him before he burst out laughing. “Don’t be silly.”

“I’m never silly,” Levi raised an eyebrow.

Hanji coughed, as if trying to muffle her own laughter. “You could probably go back to the same restaurant you worked at before. We did inform the owner that you had been compromised, though without detail, and he said you'd always be welcome back if you were found.”

Eren frowned. “I was a legitimate missing person, huh?”

“Yes, even if we knew the circumstances, we filed all of the correct legal paperwork,” Hanji shrugged. “Anything to increase the chances of bringing you home.”

Eren pursed his lips. Somehow, he didn’t look all that pleased with that answer. “Well, yes, I think I’ll get in contact with the owner then.” He stood and turned away, walking from the room, leaving his coffee behind.

Hanji sighed. Levi clutched his pen so hard it cracked. How were they supposed to help if Eren wouldn't let them in? This was worse than when he didn’t know them.


	3. Chapter 3

Eren pulled the car he had convinced Hanji to let him drive himself into a small, secluded parking lot and entered a nondescript building. He walked up to the blonde secretary and smiled charmingly at her. “I have a meeting with the boss.”

She looked decidedly unimpressed, responding with a emotionless, “name.”

Eren paused and then took a deep breath. “Titan.”

The girl raised her eyebrows and picked up the phone, announcing his arrival before waving Eren back. “You’re good, sweetheart, go on through.”

Eren nodded his thanks and followed the hallway to the back. When he opened the door, he found himself standing in a clean, well lit office. His eyes shot around, looking for any sign of movement beyond the man sitting patiently at the desk in front of him. The man was older than himself, probably in his early 40’s with a calm demeanor, but having lived with Levi for so long, he could read the sheer power and _danger_ behind the man's eyes, despite the fact that he had one sleeve of his suit pinned up where he was clearly missing an arm. Eren felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“Take a seat, Titan,” the man said softly.

Eren did as he was told. “I’m looking for work,” he said once he was settled.

“I don't know why else you would be here,” the man placed the pen he had been holding down on the desk. “What kind of work are you interested in?”

Eren didn't let anything show on his face. “A less savory variety.”

The man studied him. “I see.” He paused before continuing. “To be honest, I don't know why you are here, Titan.”

“Excuse me?” Eren frowned.

“To be frank, I know where you come from. Why aren't you getting work from your family?” The man’s calm eyes burrowed into Eren.

Eren froze. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Clearly you don’t remember me,” the man said softly. “I attended your wedding, Eren Jaeger.”

Eren tensed. “Who are you?”

“My name is Erwin Smith. Has your husband never mentioned me?” Erwin looked somewhat offended.

Eren sighed. “Of course not,” he barely managed to fight off the urge to run his hand down his face in frustration. “If you truly know my husband, you know how tight lipped he can be. However…”

“Hanji mentioned me?” Erwin grinned.

Eren nodded. “I’m uncertain of her impression of you, however?”

“Dislike is probably fair, as the only one before you who could influence Levi’s decisions,” Erwin nodded. “But she could never bring herself to truly not like me. The question still remains, why are you here, Eren?”

Eren pursed his lips and then sighed. “Levi doesn't need to know where I get my money.”

The man hummed softly and shuffled through some files on his desk. “Your reputation precedes you,” Erwin selected a folder and held it out to Eren. “However, you are not what I expected. As I have been unable to pinpoint an identity for the Titan, I didn’t expect it to be my favorite pupil’s cute little beau.”

Eren reached for the folder, only to have it pulled back just before he reached it. “Are you going to give me work, or not?”

“Well, Titan, first I have a question for you,” Erwin’s smile was calculated.

Eren sighed and sat back, folding his hands in his lap. “Ask away.”

“Do you intend to betray Levi with the money you make?” Erwin’s voice was soft and calm, but his eyes were serious and dark.

“Mr. Smith, as you claim to know me, have I ever seemed like the type of person who could betray him?” Eren responded.

Erwin studied him for a moment before he held out the file again. “I prefer to not have lost my arm for nothing, is all.”

Eren raised his eyebrows as he took the file. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, did no one tell you? A few days after you were taken, Levi mounted a suicide mission rescue attempt right into the MP headquarters. He called in a favor for my help. It is safe to say that my arm wasn't the only casualty of that stupid maneuver,” Erwin frowned slightly. “If you want details, ask Hanji, I’m sure she would tell you.”

Eren let a small frown pull at the corners of his lips as he opened the file in front of him. It was a standard assassination job, and he read over the details quickly before closing the folder and nodding slightly. “I trust that this visit and any potential future ones will not be relayed to my husband or any of his associates.”

“I have built my business on discretion, Eren,” Erwin nodded.

Eren stood and fixed Erwin with his darkest stare, keeping his voice level. “Mr. Smith, as familiar as you may be with my family, I request this be kept at a strictly business level. I don’t know you.”

Erwin barely managed to suffocate a flinch when he met those eyes. “Of course, Titan,” he managed. “You will be paid in full upon a successful return. I expect no problems. As I said your reputation precedes you.”

Eren nodded stiffly and then exited the building and climbed back into his car. He let all of his breath out in a rush and clutched the steering wheel. He wasn't willing to extend the trust to Erwin Smith that his appearance here wouldn't get back to Levi. He sighed and started the car. Well, he supposed he would just have to wait and see if the man could be trusted.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

The drive home was uneventful, and when he arrived at the house, he walked straight to the lab where Hanji was working. “Hanji.”

“Hey, Eren, how did it go?” Hanji glanced up and smiled at him.

“Good, I got the job. I’m starting tomorrow,” Eren offered a hat smile in return. “I have a question.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Hanji nodded as she looked over what she was working on.

“Why did it take three months to find me?” Eren tried to keep his tone light and curious. “Didn’t you guys know where to find the MP? I know they weren't hiding their involvement.”

Hanji stopped moving. She seemed to be frozen for a few moments before she turned to Eren, her face serious, lines of concern creasing her forehead. “Where is this coming from, Eren?”

“I was just curious. I know you guys never stopped trying to find me, but I know Levi and he usual takes the most direct route, no matter what anyone says,” Eren shrugged, looking away from Hanji, worried about what his eyes would betray.

Hanji sighed. “He did.”

“What?” Eren blinked.

“He did take the most direct route. It was a mistake,” Hanji ran her fingers through her hair, pushing her long bangs back. “I’m sure you know, this family wasn't as small as it is now before. We are all independently strong and up until you were taken, it was a school of thought that we were just as strong as larger families due to our individual members’ strengths. Unfortunately, this was proven wrong. We went so far as to call in favors with people who are close to us for personnel, but it wasn’t enough. Levi lead a siege on the MP and most of the family was lost. We lost quite a few allies who were disgusted with our recklessness. We are holding on by the skin of our teeth now, kept together by the fact that Levi and I are still front and center, and frankly, probably you as well, now. We are the only things people still fear in this family, Eren.”

Hanji pulled open a drawer and took a folder out. She placed it on the table in between herself and Eren. “This is the list. The list of every life we lost while trying to find you,” She bit her lip. “There was a cost, and I know that it seems cruel, but after this, it wasn't worth losing more lives only to save one. It was all I could to to convince Levi that we couldn't come after you again and again. I’m sorry for that, Eren.”

Eren shook his head, staring at the thick folder. “I don’t blame you, Hanji. One life isn’t worth that many, no matter who it is.”

Hanji tilted her head to the side and blinked. “Huh, I honestly didn’t expect that.”

“What?” Eren blinked.

“Nothing I don't really know what I was expecting. Levi didn't agree, that’s for sure,” Hanji frowned. “I worried about him every day. I didn't recognize that man.”

Eren sighed. He knew that feeling all too well, getting it every time he looked in the mirror. “Levi is far too reckless when it comes to me. Perhaps it was a mistake.”

“What was a mistake?” Hanji blinked, confused.

“Pushing myself on him. Making myself the center of his world the way I did though this,” Eren motioned to the folder between them. “Topples all of the other horrible things that has happened since I arrived, Levi has consistently put himself in terrible positions to look after me. As I said, no one life is worth that.”

Hanji pressed her lips into a thin line. While she agreed with Eren as the second in command of the family, as Hanji all she could think was this is _Eren_. She knew that to Levi, Eren was worth any cost. And to her, that was justification enough to go however far as was necessary. And then there was another bit of her that could hardly remember life before the young man was here. There was a part of her that was as loyal to Eren as the rest of her was to Levi and that made the whole idea completely absurd. She would go to any lengths to protect either of them. She didn’t know how to respond.

“Just look at him, Hanji. He’s broken and it’s all my fault. It’s just getting worse, even if he tries to hide how tired he is and how much pain he’s in. Maybe it would be better for him if I left,” Eren frowned.

Hanji nearly screamed. She was immensely proud of herself for not doing so. What was she going to do with her boys? Both of them were idiots. “Maybe you should actually talk to him, Eren,” she said finally, amazed at how calm she had managed to force her voice.

“I do,” Eren looked confused.

Hanji sighed deeply. “I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is Levi is a mess without you.”

Eren turned away. “But he would get over that. He always does when it comes to emotions.” And he walked out of the room, leaving Hanji with her mouth hanging open in shock.

“Who _are_ you?” She whispered. The Eren she knew could read Levi better than that. How had Levi put it all those years ago? ‘He saw me.’ Her brain supplied. The words at the time had angered Hanji, but she had grown to realize that Eren really could see the truth behind people. However, now it was like Eren had lost that incredible talent and had become like everyone else who had just categorized Levi and an unfeeling monster. She clenched her fists. Enough was enough. The time for delicacy had passed and now she had to change tactics. THAT wasn’t Eren and now she had to figure out how to get Eren back before her precious little world crashed down around her.


	4. Chapter 4

“Marlowe!” Eren jogged up to the newest member of the family and grinned.

“Hello, Eren,” Marlowe offered a small smile in return.

“If I ask you to do something for me and keep it to yourself, would you do that?” Eren asked.

Marlowe hesitated. He liked Eren. Out of everyone, Eren had always been the nicest to him, but he was a member of Levi’s family. His mind flashed to when Levi had almost killed him and Eren had stayed his hand. He had no doubt at that time that his life was going to end, even if the entire thing had been staged. Marlowe nodded. “Sure, Eren. What do you need?”

Eren looked around conspiratorially and then leaned in and whispered. “I need a weapons dealer that isn't associated with the family.”

Marlowe felt his eyebrows shoot up. “Why?”

Eren’s smile widened and glanced around again. “I want to commission a special present, but I don't want it getting back to Levi before I can give it to him. I figured you might have some contacts I can use.”

Marlowe smiled. Eren really was so kind. “Of course. I’ll compile a list and get it to you by the end of today.”

“Thanks, Marlowe, you’re a life saver,” Eren patted Marlowe’s shoulder.

“No problem, Eren,” Marlowe turned away and walked off.

As he watched Marlowe leave, the smile slid from Eren’s lips. Now that was done and he didn’t have to worry about Levi or Hanji noticing him taking weapons from the family armory for his job. He knew that Marlowe wouldn’t be able to turn him away.

He made his way up to the bedroom, knowing that Levi wouldn't be back here for several hours at best. Still, he locked himself in the bathroom and pulled the file he had been given out. He started to pour over it, memorizing every detail. He would start tailing the target tomorrow, getting a feel for the man’s routine and finding the best time to take him out. Eren nodded to himself and closed the file, tucking it under a towel in a drawer that only had his things in it. Levi shouldn't find it.

Walking out of the bathroom, Eren felt so calm, more so than he had in a long time. He hadn’t even truly done anything yet, but just the knowledge that his rage would be allowed out soon was enough to relax him. He wandered downstairs and paused as he was walking past the door to Levi’s office. He could hear Levi’s voice from within, which meant that the older man was working from home today. Eren grinned. He was in such a good mood right now, he could play with his husband a little.

He slowly pushed the door open and leaned against the frame, meeting Levi’s eyes across the room. Levi was on the phone, but he raised a perfect, dark eyebrow at Eren. Eren suppressed a shiver. Levi was truly gorgeous and Eren had missed the older man’s touch, even when he pushed his hands away for fear of his own brain. Eren sent a sly smile to Levi and licked his lips. Levi’s eyebrow raised higher, even as he responded to the person on the other end of the line.

Pouring on as much flair as he could, Eren sauntered into the room and leaned on the other side of the desk and teasingly winked at Levi. He shook his head when Levi made a motion as if asking if Eren needed his undivided attention and Levi squinted at him slightly, almost looking suspicious. Eren’s grin widened and he slowly slid down to his knees and crawled forward, under the open desk and nuzzled his face right into Levi’s crotch. He gloated inside when he heard Levi stutter over a word. The hand not holding the phone came down to tug on his hair gently, but Eren wasn’t going to be deterred. He massaged Levi through his trousers, nuzzling his nose along the hardening length.

Eren unzipped Levi’s pants and tugged at them. Levi swatted at his hands, but lifted his hips slightly as Eren pulled his pants down, along with his underwear. Levi’s cock stood at attention in front of him and he licked his lips in anticipation. Leaning forward he took the head into his mouth and sucked gently. Eren heard a thud on the desk above him and me snickered slightly to himself around his mouthful. As he sucked Levi down deeper, Levi’s voice caught again.

“If you would excuse me, I have another pressing matter,” Levi said into the phone, his voice sounding as if he was speaking through clenched teeth. Eren kept sucking away, teasing the underside with his tongue as he hummed in amusement. “Jesus Christ, Eren,” Levi gasped after he slammed down the receiver.

Eren turned his eyes up to meet Levi’s and he blinked innocently at the older man. Levi ran his fingers through Eren’s hair and he moaned softly. “I’m working- mmmn-, you know. That was an- uhhh- important call.”

Eren sucked a little harder as an apology and then pushed Levi’s cock all the way down his throat, deep throating him smoothly.

“OH… Fuck,” Levi muttered. “God, I'm gonna come, Eren.”

Eren bobbed his head faster until he felt Levi’s come pulse down his throat. He kept sucking until Levi whimpered from the oversensitivity, then he pulled off with a pop and wiped his lips. “Sorry to disturb your work,” Eren grinned up at his husband.

“Come here,” Levi panted out, still trying to catch his breath after his orgasm.

Eren climbed out from under the desk and settled right into Levi’s lap, straddling his thighs. “Yes, husband?”

“Do you enjoy teasing me, Mr, Ackerman?” Levi breathed. Eren felt a shiver run up his spine at the name Levi used. He had always loved being called that.

“I really wish I had changed my name,” Eren whispered against Levi’s lips. 

Levi groaned in response. “If you still want to, you can,” he whispered back.

Eren pulled back and blinked at Levi. “Really?”

Levi nodded. “I think… I think it is safe enough now.”

Eren smiled gently. Finally, an acknowledgement of his strength. “I would love to.”

Levi fumbled at the desk behind Eren’s body and tugged at a drawer. Eren twisted around to look. “In the top drawer,” Levi said, giving up on his blind grabbing.

Eren opened the drawer and lifted out a small stack of papers, moving to turn back around before something caught his eye. He paused and looked into the drawer for a few moments before retrieving the photo that was tucked neatly into the drawer. He ran his fingers down the glass front of the frame, mixed emotions swelling inside of him, warring with each other.

Levi hummed softly. That’s my favorite picture,” he said, leaning his head against Eren’s shoulder, the younger man still half turned in his lap.

The photo, a picture of Eren beaming happily at the camera, laughing at something, his arms slung around Levi’s shoulders as the older man looked up at Eren, adoration in his eyes.  Eren recognized it. It was from shortly after he had moved into the house with Levi, back when he was innocent. On one hand, he was happy that his husband kept photos of him, even in his work place, but another, louder part of him jeered, ‘of course it is is favorite, that’s the Eren he wants you to be.’ He barely managed to suppress the frown from his lips.

“You really miss him, huh?” Eren whispered, his voice barely loud enough for his own ears to discern the sound.

“Hm?” Levi asked, tilting his head as if trying to hear better. 

Eren blinked away the anger that had flooded inside him. “I said, that was a good day, huh?”

Levi blinked for a second and then nodded. “Every day with you is a good day.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “Now you’re just trying to butter me up.” He dropped the picture back into the drawer and closed it with a satisfying bang. Maybe too much force, he pondered as he felt Levi’s body jump minutely under him. He turned back and handed the papers to Levi. The older man sorted through them before holding out a folder.

“You’ll need this in order to change it on your driver’s license and anything else,” he said.

Eren took the folder and opened it, raising his eyebrows. “You have our marriage certificate in your desk drawer?”

Levi stared back blankly. “Where else should I have it?”

“I think most people keep things like that in a safe deposit box or something,” Eren teased, rolling his eyes.

“Is there a safer place than here?” Levi countered.

Eren felt a swell of anger, his mind supplying ‘if here was so safe, I wouldn't have been taken’ but he pushed down the feeling, suffocating the retort. He was having a _good_ day today. He couldn't let his rage get the better of him now. 

“I suppose you’re right,” Eren leaned down and kissed Levi long and tenderly before he stood. “Have a good day, sweetie. Work hard.” He winked flirtatiously and left the room as quickly as he had come. That had been pretty fun, barring the moments of anger, maybe he should tease Levi more often, he mused as he headed to the kitchen to make dinner and look over the process of changing his legal documents with the certificate Levi had given.

 


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey, Eren,” Marlowe walked into the kitchen and nodded to the young man leaning on the counter, looking at his phone.

“Hi, Marlowe, did you get what I asked you for?” Eren smiled, looking up at him.

“Yup, here it is, and don’t worry, it’s just between us, I wont tell a soul,” Marlowe held out a list.

“Thanks, what would I do without you,” Eren beamed.

Hanji frowned and slowly backed down the hallway where she had come from. She had intended on going to talk to Eren, but that interaction was suspicious indeed. She retreated back to her lab and pulled out her phone and opened a text message conversation with Marlowe.

 

_H/ To the lab, New Kid._

 

_M/ Yes, ma’am._

 

_H/ Now. Drop the ma’am._

 

_M/ On my way._

 

When Marlowe entered the lab, Hanji motioned to one of the stools across the table from her before she crossed her arms and studied the man intently.

“What do you need?” Marlowe asked politely, settling into one of the stools.

“I want to know what Eren wanted from you,” Hanji narrowed her eyes as Marlowe stiffened.

“What are you talking about?” Marlowe looked down at the desk. Terrible liar, Hanji thought to herself.

“Do you think I miss anything that goes on in this family, let alone what happens in this house?” Hanji frowned. Though that was the exact problem, she really had no idea what was going on, but Marlowe didn't need to know that.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I can’t tell you, I’ve made a promise,” Marlowe said quietly.

Hanji’s frown deepened. “Fine. Let me ask you this, are you hurting Heichou’s family?”

Marlowe’s eyes shot up and he locked gazes with her. “Never, Ma’am. I promise, I was just helping Eren with a wonderful idea he had, but he wanted it to be a surprise, please don’t ask me for details.”

Hanji looked deeply into Marlowe’s eyes for a few moments before she nodded. He really was a terrible liar, and he wasn’t lying now. “Drop the Ma’am already, will you?”

Marlowe blushed slightly. “Sorry.”

“Your dismissed,” Hanji sighed as she leaned against the desk. Back to square one. Though with Eren’s attitude recently, she struggled to believe that he was planning anything ‘wonderful’ as Marlowe had put it. But the subordinate hadn't had even a hint of doubt in him. So had Eren lied to Marlowe? Hanji shook her head. Eren wasn’t a good liar, either. In fact, she couldn't recall having ever seen Eren lie except when she had asked him to lie to Levi. And Levi had figured that one out pretty quickly, didn't he?  Hanji sighed again. This was getting her no where. Maybe she should go and talk to Eren after all.

As she stood to go back, Eren beat her to it, entering the room with a steaming plate. “I brought you dinner,” he smiled at her.

Hanji blinked. “Smells good,” she said, caught off guard. It had been a while since Eren had cooked for them.

Eren set down the plate and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I kinda feel rusty. Like I need to practice to be as good as I was before.”

Hanji smiled. “I’m sure you wont have a problem going back to work.”

Eren bit his lip. “I hope not.”

Hanji picked up the fork that Eren had supplied and took a big bite of the casserole on the plate. She groaned happily. “God, no, no problem at all. This is amazing.”

Eren laughed. “Don’t start with that, you’ll inflate my ego. I’m going to bring Levi his plate. He’s still working in his office?”

“The last time I checked,” Hanji nodded, shoving another forkful of food into her mouth. As Eren turned to leave, she called out again. “I missed this.”

Eren paused. “I know,” he muttered before he retreated back to the kitchen. Somehow, Hanji felt like she had said the wrong thing, though she couldn't fathom why.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren frowned at his phone. His personal bank account, that Levi had insisted he keep when they got married despite how Eren had laughed at him (though now he was grateful) was… Unsatisfactory. He sighed. It was there that most of the money from when he was working as a chef had been deposited, but the money, while it was substantial was not nearly enough to get the supplies he needed for this new job. He supposed that he would just have to buy the bare necessities and then continue to build his collection as he continued to get paid. First things first, he needed a base of operations, he couldn't very well keep everything at the house. He shivered thinking about how close of an eye that Hanji kept on everything that happened there. She was sometimes a little _too_ good at her job in his opinion.

His eyes flickered up as he noticed the target he was currently tailing begin to leave the small cafe they were in. He slowly collected his things as well and followed the man out and down he street, pretending to be absorbed in texting as he did. He had been following the target for two days now, trying to find the best opening for a hit. The man was returning home and it was here that Eren branched off from following, heading further down he street to where he left his car. He climbed in and started the engine, planning to head a little further towards the center of town to view a small apartment he intended to rent. It was a one bedroom, but in an area of town he was less likely to encounter anyone who knew him. It would be the perfect place to keep his supplies and organize his jobs.

After viewing the apartment he agreed to sign the lease a few days later and headed off the his next stop of the day. One of the dealers that Marlowe had suggested to him. It had been labeled on the list as ‘not recommended’ as the owner was fiercely loyal to the MP, but left on the list due to the fact that they were the most competent gun maker that Marlowe knew. HE had written that the weapons were not only the best made they were pieces of art.

Eren steeled himself and entered the small, unassuming store front. As the bell tinkled over head, his eyes shot around to the few people in the shop. He walked up to the counter and looked down at the small girl flipping through a magazine. “Hello.”

She didn't even look up at him. “What can we do you for, boss?”

“I need a couple of things,” Eren looked down at the back of her head curiously.

“Name it,” the girl casually flipped a page in her magazine.

Eren glanced around at the few other customers milling around and he leaned forward and whispered. “I hear this store provides excellent service to particular customers.”

Her head shot up and she eyed him for a few moments before she cocked her head towards a door behind the counter. “I think I got just the thing for you in the back, boss. Care to see?”

Eren nodded and she lead him behind the counter and through the door after calling to a man who was a little ways down the counter to cover for her. Once it shut behind him, she stopped and he heard the distinct click of the safety of a gun being released. “Woah, hey, relax,” he said quickly.

The girl slowly turned to face him, a pistol pointed right in his face. “Don’t tell me to relax, boss. Who are you? Quick.”

“A particular type of customer,” Eren slowly raised his hands to show her he was unarmed.

“I know you’re not the particular type I service, the MP were wiped out by that shitty little family run by the cripple. So who exactly are you?” The girl glared. Eren felt rage bubble up inside him. This wasn't going to be pretty...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued... Because this chapter was just too long so I split it up.


	6. Chapter 6

Eren felt his blood boil a bit at her talking badly about Levi’s family and Levi himself. He let a slow grin spread over his face. It wasn't a kind, happy one, no, it was a cold, sadistic smile. He moved before the girl could speak again, disarming her and pressing her against the wall, twisting her arm until it was close to breaking.

“I’m the Titan,” he whispered into her ear.

She hissed and struggled against him. “Get off!” Eren released her before his anger could tell him otherwise. The logical part of his brain reminded him that he _needed_ this girl. She turned and immediately shoved against his chest with surprising force. “That hurt, jerk!”

Eren blinked, confusion rising. If she knew enough to know how the MP was dissolved, then she should know who he was by the name Titan. “Huh?”

“Fuck you,” she grumbled and shoved him again. “Fucking Titan? What the hell do you want?”

Eren laughed. He couldn't help it. “I want to provide you with income for well made weaponry.”

The girl studied him. “You’re that cripple’s husband, aren’t you?”

The smile slipped from Eren’s face and he turned dark, angry eyes to her. “I wouldn't call him that if I were you.”

The girl narrowed her eyes and then shrugged. “Whatever, boss. Why would I help you?”

“I’m not representing Levi’s family,” Eren leaned against the wall. This girl intrigued him. He had caused grown men twice his size cower before him with the same glare he had just leveled on her and she just shook it off like he hadn't just said something dripping with threat.

“Isn’t it your family, too?” The girl asked.

Eren laughed again, but this time it was a bitter sound. “As if.”

The girl tilted her head to the side and then she nodded. “They cut you out. You’re just the pretty one they keep around, huh?” Eren felt his fists clench hard enough to cut the skin of his palm. The girl nodded again. “That’s answer enough, boss. So you’re finding your own work and you need guns.”

“That’s the simple explanation, anyway,” Eren muttered.

“Okay, Titan, I’m Erica,” the girl reached out and worked her fingers into his balled fists, as if she were trying to stop him from hurting himself. “Don’t you worry, I’m gonna look after you.”

Eren looked down at his hands, that were now softly held in Erica’s calloused ones. Somehow she had managed to unfurl his fingers completely. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Erica nodded, and dropped one hand, keeping hold of the other, turning to walk, pulling Eren along with her. “I get it. I know what it’s like to be looked over. Like your greatest talent isn't there or something. Took me a long time to build this business up.”

“This is your business?” Eren blinked in surprise.

“Mhm,” Erica nodded again. “No one wanted to count on the scrawny, little girl.”

“But you’re so young,” Eren couldn't help himself.

Erica laughed. “Well, thank you, but I'm already thirty,” she shot him a look over her shoulder as she stopped in front of another door. “I’m just cursed with looking like a damn baby.”

Eren laughed in return. “That isn't so bad. I bet you can get kid’s discounts and stuff.”

Erica turned to him. “And I get carded literally everywhere. And sometimes they accuse me of having a fake ID. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, Titan.”

Eren gave her a genuine smile. “You can call me Eren if you want to. Just don't go spreading that around.”

“You know, when I heard about the Titan, you’re not at all what I expected,” Erica said thoughtfully.

“That seems to be everyone's general conclusion,” Eren scrunched up his face. “Is it really that hard to believe?”

“You’re a lot nicer than I thought you’d be. It’s like you can turn the lethal personality on and off. That’s impressive,” Erica studied his face. “But it must be hard for you, huh? Is that why they’re shutting you out? Because they want you to keep that part off?”

Eren gaped at her. “I…” He bit his lip and then nodded. “Yeah that’s exactly it. They want me to be who I used to be. Innocent.”

Erica shook her head. “That’s no way to live. You gotta be who you are. You know, I like you already, boss.”

Eren smiled. “Thanks.”

Erica opened the door they had been standing in front of to reveal a workshop. There were guns lining the walls and tools scattered around on all of the available surfaces. “Welcome to my sanctuary. Feel free to take a look around and pick something out.”

Eren nodded and began to circle the room as Erica leaned against the desk in the corner of the room. “You know, my sister used to work for the MP. That’s how I got my hook up with them. She managed to survive all that bloodshed your family caused but she is a little messed up from it. She was there when you guys sieged their headquarters.”

Eren turned to look at Erica and after a moment he spoke softly. “I wasn’t there. All I know is it was a messy mistake.”

“Why weren’t you? Have they been shutting you out that long?” Erica raised her eyes to meet Eren’s.

“No. The MP had me as a captive at the time. Levi lead that strike to try and get me back,” Eren averted his eyes.

Erica’s eyes widened slightly. “A captive? Why?”

“Because there was a time that I wasn’t strong, but I was still linked with Levi. Who would be a better target than that?” Eren shrugged slightly. “I used to wish it had never happened, but now… Well, I’d never have turned out like this otherwise.”

“Did they do bad things to you, boss?” Erica asked, her voice muted like she was genuinely concerned.

Eren smiled bitterly and rolled up his sleeves, revealing the patterned scars across them. Sure, some of them were from when he had hurt himself, but no one can go through months of torture without there being a physical reminder of some sort. Some of those scars weren't from Eren’s own nails.

Erica whistled. “No wonder you don't want to go back to the life you had. I’d be angry, too.”

Eren pushed his sleeves back down and nodded. “If only everyone else understood that.”

Erica walked over to the wall of guns and took down a pistol, holding it out to him.  “This looks like something for you, boss.”

Eren turned the gun over in his hands, almost relieved to feel it’s weight in his palm. There was an intricate pattern carved into the steel, oddly reminiscent of his scarring, even if it was more beautiful than Eren’s skin. “I like it.”

“I thought you might,” Erica nodded. “I have a question.”

Eren looked up at her and nodded his acceptance.

“Why do you stay there if they refuse to see you as you are?” Erica tilted her head to the side.

Eren blinked at her. “I…” He didn’t have an answer. Not a good one anyway. Love? Attachment? Commitment? Sheer stubbornness? Eren didn’t really know. He knew it hurt when Levi didn't acknowledge all of him, but he wanted to stay in the warmth of his gaze regardless. Levi had been his whole world for so long, Eren wasn’t sure he truly remembered what it was like before the older man was part of his life. ‘Miserable. Your life was miserable,’ Eren’s brain supplied. He sighed and settled on an answer. “It’s better than being by myself.”

Erica nodded again as if she had made a decision. “Well, it looks like you need a friend at least, then.”

Eren’s forehead creased in confusion. “What?”

“It’s not healthy to only stifle yourself. I’ll be your friend, boss. You can be your whole self with me,” Erica smiled then. “Give me your phone. I’ll give you my number and you can talk to me whenever you need to be you.”

Eren was handing over his phone before he could even think about it. He had been trying to keep everyone at a distance for so long, but here was this absolutely crazy woman who was completely unfazed by his anger. It was refreshing. It was… Everything to Eren. He almost wanted to cry in relief at the way Erica effortlessly offered him salvation from his inner turmoil like she wasn't saving his sanity.

After she handed his phone back, he spoke. “How much do I owe you?”

Erica shook her head. “That one is on the house, boss. I figure you probably don't have a ton of funds just yet, huh? Being a trophy husband is only profitable if you're okay with the financier knowing who you’re purchasing.”

Eren laughed. “I at one time had an actual career, you know.”

“Oh, really? Well, in that case, it’s still on the house. Call it a show of confidence in your skills,” Erica crossed her arms. “Just don’t expect it the next time you need weapons. And I’m still going to charge you for the bullets.”

Eren grinned, happier than he knew how to explain. “I’ll gladly pay.”


	7. Chapter 7

“That was fast, Titan,” Erwin raised his eyebrows at Eren after the younger man had tossed the completed file onto his desk.

“Give me my next job,” Eren said, refusing to let the pride from being praised show on his face.

Erwin extracted a new file from where he kept them and handed it over. “Your payment will be deposited into your account automatically. If you don't be careful, you’ll start to be in high demand, doing jobs this efficiently.”

Eren let a smile come through at that. “All the better for me, Mr. Smith. I’ll see you when I complete this job.” With that he turned and left the building, feeling on top of the world.

Eren drove back to his apartment, dropped off his gear and the new file, deciding to look it over the next day. Getting back into the car, he decided he didn't want to just go home, he was in too good of a mood. Unsure of what exactly he wanted to do, he drove around town a little aimlessly until he found himself near Levi’s office. An idea sprang on him then, and he quickly pulled over and got out of the car.

Heading inside, he grinned at Hanji, manning her usual post on office days at the front desk. “Hey, Hanji.”

“Eren! What’s wrong, why are you here?” Hanji’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Nothing’s wrong, is Levi busy?” Eren held up his hands innocently.

“He’s always busy, Eren, you know that. However, if you're asking if he’s in a meeting, no, he’s in his office alone,” Hanji narrowed her eyes slightly, looking over Eren appraisingly. “I’m surprised you came here, you’ve only been here once before.”

Eren nodded. “Well, I just thought I’d pop in if that’s alright?”

Hanji rolled her eyes. “I’ll call up and ask, but I’m positive I already know the answer, so why don’t you just start heading up now? You remember how to get there?”

Eren laughed. “Yes, I should be fine, see you later, Hanji.”

Getting in the elevator at the end of the hall, he took it to the top floor of the building and walked down the hall to Levi’s office. He hesitated for a second at the door, remembering that his last and only visit here had not been the most pleasant. Pushing that down, he opened the door and smiled at Levi who was sitting behind the desk, closing the door behind him.

“Eren,” Levi tilted his head to the side. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Eren frowned. “Does something have to have happened to visit you?”

“No, I just didn't expect to see you here,” Levi said slowly.

“Hanji said something very similar,” Eren pouted. “I just wanted to come see you.”

Levi nodded, accepting. “Do you want to get dinner? I can take a break.”

“Hmm,” Eren hummed. “Maybe after.”

“After what?” Levi started, but his voice weakened slightly as he watched Eren approaching the desk with purposeful strides. He’d seen that look before.

Eren came around the desk and plopped himself down on the paper covered surface without regard for what was probably important documents and bit his lip, looking down at Levi who was now sitting very straight in his desk chair. “I have something else in mind…”

“Really…” Levi’s voice caught in his throat as he watched Eren run a hand down his own chest, spreading his legs a little bit, looking positively like the living embodiment of sex. He cleared hims throat and continued, if for no other reason than he felt like Eren shouldn't get to be the only tease. “What’s that?”

Eren smirked, as if reading this thoughts and leaned forward, so his breath would ghost over Levi’s ear as he spoke. “I want to ravage you on this desk. Make you feel so good right here that you can’t ever look at it the same again.”

Levi felt a shiver run through his body and he turned his head to lock eyes with Eren, registering the pure lust swimming behind them. The logical part of his brain said absolutely not, there was too many important documents that would be positively destroyed by having sex on his desk, but the part of him that had somehow become stronger than his logic when it came to Eren wanted nothing more that for the younger man to do exactly what he promised. “What are you waiting for?”

Eren’s smirk grew and he stood, pulling Levi to stand with him as he smashed his lips agains the older man’s. There was no tenderness in the kiss, it was hot and needy and aggressive and by god, it made Levi weak. He let his body sag against Eren’s, let his husband have all of the control over the kiss, let him exercise the dominance he so clearly wanted. Eren stepped forward and lifted Levi off his feet in one smooth movement, setting him less than gently on the desk. Levi felt a twinge of pain shoot along his spine at the roughness, a slight warning going off in the back of his already hazy mind that his body was going to regret this if he let it continue, but Eren’s lips greedily sucked any semblance of logical thinking right out of Levi, and to be honest, all that he could really think was damn the consequences, his body would recover.

As Eren’s mouth made a line down his neck, leaving what Levi could already tell would be love bites in places he couldn't hide, he gasped and moaned. Again, that small part of his brain pointed out that this wasn't like Eren, the other man wasn't one to show up in Levi’s office, let alone take such control like this, and he especially wouldn't ever leave such obvious and apparent marks on Levi, but again, his passion hazed mind shoved the thought away.

Eren made quick work of divesting Levi of his clothes, putting more hickeys over Levi’s pale skin as he went. Once he was naked, Eren leaned back to admire his work. “Lube?”

Levi shook his head. Why would he have lube in his office? “Lotion in the top drawer.” He winced internally at that, lotion was never as good as lube, but it would do in a pinch. His body was really going to hate him for this one. Eren didn't even hesitate, pulling the drawer open, retrieving the lotion and squirting some onto his fingers.

Levi moaned as Eren slid a finger inside of him, stretching his passage open. It still felt good, even if Eren seemed to be a little hasty causing a slight burn with the pleasure and Levi still was relatively inexperienced at being on the receiving end. Still, there was no way he was going to stop the younger man.

Eren prepared him quickly, the burn only becoming more pronounced with the way he was rushing. It was like he was sex starved, and even though that small part of Levi’s brain was trying to send off warning signals, the rest of him reasoned that it was a long time since they actually had sex. Eren opened his own pants and pushed them down to mid thigh and then rubbed some lotion over his cock before lining himself up with Levi’s entrance. Levi had a second then to think about how unfair he found it to be the only one completely naked before Eren was pushing into him.

Levi groaned at the stretch, noting he hadn't been wrong in his initial assumption that Eren had prepared him a little too fast. He brought his legs up and tried to wrap them around Eren’s hips as best he could, but the angle was odd for him and it only caused pain to shoot up his back, causing a surprised gasp of pain to escape his lips. Eren froze, looking up at Levi with concern, to which Levi felt traitorously relieved about. He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, but he had been pretty sure that Eren wasn't paying all that much attention to him, just… taking. He hadn’t minded all the much, but it had felt a little bit cold to be fucked like that, and Levi hadn't really been entirely certain Eren would stop. He felt bad about making that assumption now.

“Are you alright?” Eren asked softly.

Levi grunted slightly, trying to find a good, pain free (or at least minimal) position for his legs. “The angle is bad,” he admitted. “My back…”

Eren’s eyes softened even further and he pulled back and slid out of Levi. “Would it be easier to bend over?”

Levi slid off the desk and turned around, leaning over it, testing the position. Like this at least, he could let most of his weight rest on the desk. He nodded. “This is better.”

Eren smiled and then leaned over Levi, carefully keeping his weight off of him, kissing down the length of his spine. “If you can bear with me, I promise to give you a massage later tonight.”

Levi shivered at the idea. Eren had massaged him occasionally since his accident and to be honest, while at first they always hurt a bit, he felt heavenly afterwards. “I’m holding you to that. Now, fuck me.”

Eren snorted out a laugh and lined up again, this time pushing in slower, as if he had just remembered that Levi wasn't in perfect condition. He held still inside until Levi wiggled the best he could, though he was reluctant to take much of his weight off of his chest as it pressed onto the desk. Eren began to thrust, first gently and slowly, but it didn't take him long to pick up momentum and force, until he was positively fucking Levi into the desk. It _hurt_ , Levi registered, his back screaming at the force Eren was slamming into him with, but also it felt so _sinfully good_ as Eren pounded into that wonderful spot inside of him that he couldn't bring himself to complain about his back again. Somewhere in his mind, he realized that he was whimpering and moaning and crying out and that people could probably hear that in other offices, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

Eren was grunting and moaning out half sentences that only served to push Levi further towards the edge. Eren grasped his cock without warning, pumping Levi in time to his rapid thrusts and Levi was lost. He was coming all over himself and the desk and all of those important papers that were already soaked with his sweat, but he still couldn't seem to care because Eren was coming, too, filling up Levi’s insides and biting the older man’s shoulder to muffle the cry of completion, even as he still made sure not to lean too heavily on him.

After what was probably longer than Levi would like to admit, he tuned back into the world, only to find himself mostly clothed, cradled in Eren’s lap on the floor. Eren was stroking his sweaty hair, humming quietly to himself.

Levi blinked up at him. “Where did THAT come from?”

Eren laughed. “I don't rightly know,” he admitted, but then his face sobered up. “I think I was too rough with you. Do you feel alright?”

Levi frowned. “I’m not fragile.”

“No, but you’re also not as durable as you were before,” Eren pointed out seriously.

Levi huffed and pushed himself out of Eren’s embrace, and moved to stand, but the pain caused him to abort his first attempt. Steeling himself, he hauled himself up to a standing position using the desk. He openly winced as pain shot from his lower back all the way down his legs. “Okay, maybe it was a little rough, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it.”

Eren stood as well and gently rubbed Levi’s back. “I’m sorry, I think I lost myself a bit.”

Levi turned around and wrapped his arms around Eren. “I liked it. It wont hurt more than usual for very long. Plus, you promised you'd give me a massage later, so everything is fine.”

Eren hesitated and then nodded. “In other news, we really made a mess.”

Levi glanced over his shoulder, where Eren’s eyes were trained and winced again, noting the state of the desk. The papers were scattered out of their usual neat piles and some of them looked damp… and splattered. He sighed. “It’s fine, I’ll just have Hanji get new copies of the compromised files…”

Eren laughed. “Don’t tell her why, she’ll lecture both of us.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “She’s going to lecture us regardless, if she didn't know what was happening, I would have gotten a phone call by now.”

Eren’s eyes widened and then he laughed harder. “Fair enough. Want to get that dinner now?”

Levi smiled slightly. “Sure, Eren.”


	8. Chapter 8

“So that was unusual,” Hanji said casually, glancing covertly in the rearview mirror as she drove Levi back to the house. Eren had departed shortly after dinner, promising to meet them back at the house.

“What?” Levi asked stiffly, his mind seemingly elsewhere.

“Eren showing up like that,” Hanji said, shrugging slightly. “And leaving you in such a state.”

“Excuse me?” Levi frowned and stared at the back of her head.

“You can barely walk, Heichou. More than usual,” Hanji bit her lip as Levi’s stare intensified. She didn't have to look in the mirror to see him, she could practically feel how hard he was glaring at her, but she looked anyway. Technically, this was none of her business. She knew that. However, her concern over Eren’s behavior was only spiked by this occurrence. Eren had never been one to be rough with Levi, especially now that the older man was obviously almost always in pain. Hanji felt the need to find the cause of what was driving Eren these days, changing him, and she had to do it fast before things spiraled out of control. Her mind screamed that if she didn't figure things out fast, something very bad was going to happen. She didn’t know what, but she knew it could be absolutely catastrophic.

“I’m managing just fine,” Levi said tensely.

“Heichou…” Hanji pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned in her seat to look at him. “You can’t tell me that you haven't noticed anything odd about Eren these days.”

Levi looked away for a second, studying the leather seat before turning back to her. “He’s been different. I don't know why, and it worries me.”

Hanji nodded. At least she wasn't the only one who noticed. “I’ll find out why.”

“Don’t-“ Levi started and then stopped himself. He hesitated before continuing. “Don’t push him, Hanji.”

Hanji blinked back at her boss for a few moments before she nodded again. “I’ll look into it discreetly.” Putting the car back into drive and pulling back onto the road, Hanji drove the rest of the way to the house in silence.

When they got there, Eren’s car wasn't in the driveway. Levi frowned as he pulled himself out of the backseat and pulled out his phone.

 

_L/ Where are you?_

 

_L/ Eren??_

 

_L/ At least just acknowledge me._

 

_L/ Eren???????_

 

Levi felt panic rising in his chest as he stared at his phone. Even when he was at work, Eren would answer his texts within a minute. There was five between each of the ones he had sent. While Levi was aware that wasn’t a very big amount of time, it also wasn't like Eren. His mind flashed to the last time Eren didn't answer his texts… When he had been taken by the MP. And before that was when he had been held captive by his abusive father… Levi barely managed to suppress the shiver of fear.

“Hanji,” Levi spoke, suddenly aware that he had followed her to the lab.

“Heichou,” Hanji responded, having been just quietly watching him, waiting.

“He’s not responding,” Levi looked up at her, and she stepped forward in a swift motion, pulling him into a hug, the unexpected action causing him to stiffen.

“It’s okay, don't panic, maybe he’s driving,” Hanji said gently. “Let’s just wait a little bit, alright?”

Levi relaxed slightly, despite the fact that Hanji hadn’t let him go. He would never admit it, but it was comforting knowing that she understood why he was afraid. Hanji had comprehended his fear in seconds and moved to do what she did best, which was look after him and Eren. He nodded slightly, knowing she could feel the movement.

Hanji pulled back and rubbed the back of her neck, looking like she was about to say something before she shook her head slightly and turned away. “Sit down. I’ll track the car.”

Levi nodded again and carefully scooted onto a stool while Hanji walked over to the computer on her desk. After several minutes of silence, she spoke.

“It’s not moving, parked somewhere near the center of town,” Hanji frowned at the monitor. She clicked the refresh button, just in case the gps program she had installed in the cars was lagging. The coordinates didn’t change.

Levi’s chest was tight. If the car wasn't moving, then Eren wasn't driving. Why wasn't he answering?

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren stretched his arms over his head and grinned over at Erica. “I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie in theaters,” he commented.

Erica raised her eyebrows. “Really, boss? Jeez, I thought married people did shit like this together.”

Eren frowned. “Levi’s busy most of the time. Or too tired to go out with me. If we spend time together, it’s usually at home.”

Erica gently patted his shoulder. “Well, I’m glad to hang out with you whenever you want, Eren. We can have friend dates anytime.”

Eren laughed. “Friend dates. I like that weirdly specific phrase.”

“Well, just making sure you know I’m not looking to be a home wrecker or something,” Erica laughed, too.

“Well, even if that was your intention, you have the wrong anatomy for me, sweetie,” Eren put some effort into suppressing his amusement and looking at her seriously.

“Aw, man, well doesn't that just spoil my plans,” Erica looked back with the same expression before both of them dissolved into hysterical laughter. Wiping his eyes, Eren pulled out his phone and turned it back on only to have it nearly buzz out of his hand with text messages and missed calls from both Levi and Hanji.

“Shit,” he muttered.

 

_E/ Huh? Are you okay?_

 

_L/ You’re not home. It’s late._

 

_E/ I went to see a movie. I was bored._

 

There was silence for a while at that. Eren sighed heavily and ran his hand down his face. Erica nosily peered over his shoulder, standing on her tip toes to read the texts.

“Well, at least he’s worried about you, boss,” Erica pointed out. “Even if that’s a little uh… possessive.”

Eren snorted. “I appreciate your delicacy. I know you don't like Levi, but he’s not exactly unjustified in being concerned. I don’t usually go out without telling him.”

Erica looked perplexed. “You’re an adult. You shouldn’t have check in with your keeper.”

Eren rolled his eyes at her. “He’s not my keeper.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Erica waved her hand and Eren laughed as he realized she was just teasing him. It felt good to laugh like this again. It felt like it had been forever.

 

_L/ Alone?_

 

Eren bit his lip for a moment, thinking.

 

_E/ Yes._

 

_L/ Just tell me next time. Or someone. I was worried._

 

_E/ Sure. Sorry._

 

_L/  Its fine as long as you’re alright._

 

“Oh, sure, I don’t exist,” Erica scoffed.

“Well, if I said no, they’d want to know who was here with me and then Hanji would have your whole life story in seconds and I didn’t think you’d want that. Plus, why are you snooping, nosey?” Eren raised his eyebrows at her.

“You’re absolutely right, I don't want that,” Erica nodded and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse, ignoring that she had been called out for reading over his shoulder.

“See, I was just looking out for my friend date,” Eren grinned.

Erica rolled her eyes and lit her cigarette. “I’m guessing you have to go home now to the keeper.”

Eren laughed. “Yeah, I probably should before he sends Hanji to look for me.”

“Lame,” Erica said, walking out to the parking lot. “Drive me home first.”

“No, I was planning on stranding you here,” Eren shook his head in amusement and followed her.

“Oh, yeah? Well, in that case, I want my gun back,” Erica glanced over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at Eren. He laughed in response and beeped open the car doors to take her home.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Hanji frowned as she watched her computer monitor out of the corner of her eye. She hadn’t meant to leave the gps application open, but now that she had, she didn't know what to make of what she was seeing. Eren had told Levi he had gone to the movies alone, and while she did know that the area the car had been stopped at did indeed have a movie theater nearby, currently Eren was driving away from the house. She felt dread fill her heart as the car stopped for a few moments on a residential street and then drive around the block and start heading home.

“Why do you look worried?” Levi asked, pulling Hanji out of her thoughts.

Carefully monitoring her movements, Hanji slowly clicked out of the app and turned off her monitor. “Nothing, I was just thinking.” 

Levi narrowed his eyes at her for a second before sighing. “About Eren?”

“Yes,” Hanji answered truthfully. It wasn't that she wanted to lie to Levi, or withhold information from him. It was the very last thing she ever wanted to do. However, if her fear was correct, how could she tell the man in front of her that the center of his world was being unfaithful? Hanji couldn't bring herself to open her mouth, not now, when she didn't have concrete evidence. Even if she did, how could she bring herself to be the one to deliver the news she knew would completely shatter him? Hanji cursed in her mind, because if what she suspected was true, Eren had unwittingly made her a conspirator in his infidelity. She just couldn't bring herself to even fathom telling Levi this development.

But then, this was Eren, she rationalized. There was no way that he would cheat on Levi. Even with how weird he had been recently, there was no denying the love he had for the older man. And then Hanji’s mind flashed back to today’s events. It was true that she didn't know exactly what had happened in Levi’s office, but from the way her boss was sitting so gingerly she could put together the pieces and from what she could see, what had happened wasn't at all like the happy, head over heels in love Eren. And, her mind supplied, what other reason could the younger man have for lying to Levi?

Hanji turned away from Levi and clenched her teeth together. She had to figure this out before it destroyed her precious little family.


	9. Chapter 9

As months passed, Eren did job after job, earning himself a formidable reputation, with Erwin managing to keep the news of his successes from reaching Levis ears. Eren had to admit that his trust in the man hadn’t been misplaced, allowing him to loosen up around him more than before. It wasn't much, but at least he wasn't as suspicious of Erwin as he had been. Over the same months, Eren found himself spending more and more time with Erica, her presence making him feel free even outside of work. He now had a substantial bank account to his name and most of all, he was happy.

Hanji, on the other hand was seething. She now monitored Eren’s movements closely and had seen him go to that same residential street more times than she would like to count. She also found that he was visiting somewhere near the center of town frequently. Honestly, she didn't know what to think, and didn't know what to do as Levi’s order of ‘don’t push him’ echoed in her head. She had also found a concerning pattern forming, Eren would come home some nights, spend some time absolutely wrecking Levi and then leave again for hours, not telling either of them where he was going. Hanji knew, of course, because she was monitoring the car, that he was going to see whoever lived on that street. Levi stubbornly insisted he was fine and had refused to let Hanji talk to Eren about how roughly he was treating the older man. As the months had progressed, it seemed to only be getting worse, Eren seeming to pay less and less attention to Levi’s condition. Still, Levi insisted he was fine, even as Hanji observed some days where the man could barely move for a while after Eren left.

She was angry. Angry at Eren for behaving as he was and angry at Levi for refusing to admit that there was something terribly, horribly wrong. All she could get out of him was that he was mildly concerned, but always with the caveat to not look too deeply into it. It was a day like many others, the day after Eren having treated Levi particularly roughly and then leaving for hours as if nothing was wrong at home. That night Hanji had found Levi on the floor of his home office, quietly signing papers he had pulled down off his desk because his back wouldn't allow him to stand and return to his desk after Eren’s visit. Hanji had almost lost herself then, but managed to keep it together just barely. It was then that she decided that no matter what Levi said, she was going to take a more direct route to get to the bottom of what was going on.

After Eren left in the morning, she called Armin to stand in for her with Levi for the day and trailed after Eren into the heart of the city. She followed him to the parking lot of an apartment complex where Eren got out of the car and went into the building. After waiting for some time, she went to the door and studied the door bells, looking for anything she could associate with Eren. Neither Jaeger or Ackerman were listed on the bells, but there were a few without names. Hanji frowned, wondering if she dared press the buzzers. After a moment of hesitation, she picked a name of one of the floors without a blank buzzer and pressed one of them.

After several not answering or wrong people, a familiar voice came through the speaker.

“Hello?” Eren’s voice crackled through.

Hanji bit her lip and then dropped her voice a few octaves and forced a lisp into her speech. “Hi, I live in 12B, I locked myself out, any chance you can buzz me in?”

There was a moment of silence and then, “You should call the super.”

“You’re right, sorry,” Hanji muttered and ran her hand down her face.

Then the door buzzed. “Don’t worry about it. Have a good day.”

Hanji stared at the door for a moment before she pushed it open and made her way to the floor that had Eren’s apartment on it. She had no idea what she was doing, fully aware she wasn't planning on confronting him yet, but she went anyway. So Eren had an apartment all of his own. What was he hiding there?

Hanji had barely gotten down the hallway before the elevator dinged behind her and she hastily pulled a hat and sunglasses out of her bag, pulling then over her hair and eyes just in case. As it turns out, the disguise was warranted as she watched with interest as the petite blonde girl carrying a large purse who had gotten off the elevator walked up to Eren’s door.

Hanji stopped at a door further down the hall and pretended to fumble in her bad for her keys as she listened to the girl knocking on the door. It opened a moment later.

“Hey,” she said with a smile.

Hanji watched out of the corner of her eye as Eren grinned back easily. “Hey, you. Come on in.”

“You recover okay after last night?” The girl laughed as Eren rolled his eyes.

“God, don’t talk so loud, I feel like I’m gonna throw up as it is,” Eren laughed lightly and closed the door behind them as Hanji stared, dumbfounded at the door. Her phone buzzed as she stood there, momentarily frozen, but she ignored it, unable to convince herself to move just yet. After a few moments, she slowly turned around and walked back to the elevator, pressing the button to go down and plopped back into her car, her mind hazed over. An inhuman sound ripped from her chest and she bashed her fists into the steering wheel, rage coursing through her veins. There was her proof, Eren was seeing that little blonde girl. ‘And what did Eren do last night that made him sick’, her mind asked. And the darker part answered, ‘Levi’. Hanji calmed her breathing and she closed her eyes, counting to 10 before calmly and logically going over the things she had just learned. Now, what was she going to do?

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“I told you that you were drinking too much,” Erica teased after the door closed behind her.

“I’m in hangover hell,” Eren groaned, plopping down on his couch. “At least I don't think anyone noticed at home.”

“Obviously they don't pay much attention, you look like hell,” Erica set her bag on the counter and pulled a box out of it. “Here’s the silencer for the pistol you asked for.”

“Thanks, what would I do without you?” Eren smiled from where he had practically melted into the couch.

“Be miserable,” Erica offered.

“Probably,” Eren muttered and closed his eyes. After a moment, his voice brightened. “I was going to go over my next job, but want to go get some food with me, I cant really read right now and I’ve heard the place down the street has great hangover food.”

Erica glanced at her watch. “Sure, but you’ll have to drive me back to work after, Jimmy cant leave the shop after we open.”

“Sounds good,” Eren smacked himself in the face a few times before standing. “Let’s go.”

Throwing on a light weight jacket and tucking a pair of sunglasses into the front of his shirt, Eren led the way out of the apartment building. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a familiar car, but shook it off as he slid the sunglasses onto his face to combat the sun aggravating his hangover. Erica looped her arm through his and giggled.

“Come on, you look like you're about to fall over,” she laughed out.

Eren rolled his eyes behind the shades, a bad action as it turned out, as it caused a wave of nausea to wash over him. Leaning lightly against Erica he groaned again. “Never let me drink that much again. I don't care how well my job went, I feel like I’m going to die.”

Erica laughed again. “You got it, boss. Now let’s go get some breakfast.”

Eren smiled gratefully at her and let her all but drag him down the street to the diner. They ate in relative silence, but Eren was happy to have the company. Erica was truly a good friend. The atmosphere was light between them until Eren’s phone buzzed.

 

_L/ Eren, do you know where Hanji is today?_

 

_E/ No. I haven't seen her since last night._

 

_L/ Okay. Thanks._

 

_E/ Something wrong?_

 

_L/ She left me with Armin and went out without telling me why._

 

_E/ Weird. That’s not like her._

 

_L/ No, I thought maybe you had asked her to do something._

 

_E/ Nope. Want me to call her?  
_

_L/ She didn't answer when I did. Maybe she’ll answer you, though._

 

_E/ You got it. I’ll let you know if I find anything out._

 

_L/ Thanks._

 

_E/ No problem._

 

Eren bit his lip as he clicked open his contacts, his mind flashing to the familiar car he thought he had seen. There was no way Hanji had found him, was there? And if she had, why wouldn't Levi know about it? He pulled up her contact and clicked call. It rang a few times before she answered.

“Hello?” Hanji sounded a little out of it.

“Hanji, where are you?” Eren frowned.

There was silence for a few moments before she responded. “In town.”

Eren furrowed his brow. “Levi asked me to call you. He’s wondering where you went all of the sudden.”

“I took a personal day. I needed to cash in one of those stress relief days he promised me,” Hanji sounded hesitant.

“You okay?” Eren let his concern filter through his voice.

“I’m just tired, Eren. I’m at a spa near the center of town. Tell Levi that I’ll be billing him for this like he promised I could,” Hanji laughed slightly.

Eren laughed in return. “Tell him yourself, he tried to call you.”

“Yeah, but you just happened to catch me at a good moment, I think I’m going to turn off my phone,” Hanji replied.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll text him for you. Next time just tell him before you go, he seemed worried. Have a good rest day, Hanji. I’ll see you later,” Eren resisted the urge to roll his eyes again, remembering how nearly disastrous it was the last time he did in his present state. After they hung up, Eren flipped back to the text chat.

 

_E/ She’s in town at a spa. Said she’s gonna bill you for it._

 

_L/ Ah, that makes more sense._

 

_E/ Than what?_

 

_L/ Her just vanishing._

 

_E/ If she was going to run out of you, she’d have done it long_

_before now._

 

_L/ Fair enough. Just didn't think she was actually going to take_

_the days._

 

_E/ She’s not a robot and she puts up with a lot of bullshit from_

_both of us._

 

_L/ True. I’ll see you at home later._

 

_E/ See you._

 

_L/ I love you, Eren._

 

Eren pocketed his phone before he noticed that last message. He glanced across the table to see Erica’s face, darkened with anger.

“You okay?” Eren looked surprised.

“Sometimes I forget where you come from,” Erica muttered and stabbed at her food with her fork.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you,” Eren frowned. “Levi just asked me to help find Hanji.”

Erica sighed. “It’s not your fault. I just never expected to hear Maniac Scientist’s voice. I did realize how much it would piss me off.”

Eren’s frown deepened. “Why?”

“My sister told me that’s who shot her,” Erica looked at her food like it had wronged her. 

“Hanji did?” Eren bit his lip. He knew, of course, that Hanji had shot people before. In fact, he had been present when it had happened, but in this situation it surprised him. He knew it shouldn’t. Hanji would do her job as long as Levi asked it of her, to an almost limitless extent, Erica’s sister had been MP, and to Levi’s family, they had been the worst kind of enemy. And yet, Hanji shooting Erica’s sister seemed so… Wrong. However, he realized, perhaps Hanji’s kindness had shown through after all, as she hadn’t fatally wounded the girl. He doubted that Levi had anything but a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude, considering what had been at stake, and he knew that Hanji’s aim was almost flawless, but somehow Erica’s sister had made it out alive.

Erica nodded, her eyes storming. “I hate your family,” she whispered. “I hate _her_ for hurting my sister and I hate your husband for ordering the attack. I hate everyone who was there that night. I hated you for a long time, too, because you were part of them.”

Eren reached out and took hold of Erica’s hand across the table. “I know, Erica. I won’t ever ask you to forgive them, but I want to try to understand… Hanji is more loyal to Levi than you can even imagine and Levi… He’s more protective of me than he probably should be, especially back then. One I had been taken, he was willing to destroy himself to get me back. That lead to him making a bad decision that caused more blood shed than I am worth.”

Erica looked up at Eren, tears in her eyes. “Don’t you say that. You're worth more than you think.”

Eren smiled at her sadly. “But I’m not worth what was the cost of that siege. Levi decimated his own family in that attack, not just the MP. I have never been worth that.”

Erica squeezed his hand. “I promise to be more understanding of your family if you promise to never say you're not worth it again. I get what you’re trying to say, but I can empathize as to why your husband was willing to go to the ends of the Earth to save you.”

Eren let out  small laugh. “Alright, it’s a deal.”

Erica nodded and then she pulled her hand away and picked her fork back up. “Now let’s finish up because we both have work to be doing,” she teased gently.

Eren nodded and smiled gently across the table as they finished up their meal.


	10. Chapter 10

Hanji stood in the middle of Eren’s apartment, staring at the phone in her hand. She had just hung up with Eren, having only answered to attempt to judge if he was on the way back here already. She frowned a little, knowing now she had to go to a spa after this instead of going back to work, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. It had sounded like Eren was in a restaurant, so she probably had at least a few minutes before he got back. She looked around. Something, anything, to give her more information.

Sure, Hanji was angry that Eren was willing to break Levi’s heart, willing to cheat on him, but a small part of her was unwilling to believe it no matter the evidence she now possessed. She had acted without thinking when she saw Eren leaving and had snuck back in, breaking into the apartment. Despite everything, that small part of her whispered that not everything added up. There were a few details that Hanji needed to figure out how they fit into the picture painted in her head. Like this apartment. How was Eren paying for it? Not with Levi’s money, that was for sure. And the job he claimed to have gotten back, well it was clear that was a lie, or he would have been at said job, not here.

She looked around and bit her lip. First, there was a small box on the counter. She walked over and opened that, noting it was a custom silencer. Her brow furrowed at that, and she looked around. Why would Eren need that? In the bedroom, she found the pistol that the silencer was probably for. A few minutes later, she found a standard assassination file. Hanji’s mouth dropped open. That… That was an answer to a few questions. But where was he getting the jobs? Hanji bit her lip and put the file back where she had found it and left. She knew where she could find answers, but it would have to wait. Now, she had to go firm up her alibi for today. Even if she had permission from Levi to be looking into what was going on with Eren, how was she supposed to bring THIS up to her boss? No, for now, at least, she would keep this secret. For now, she would let Eren think he was getting away with it all.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

A week later, Eren marched into the Erwin’s office with a small wave to the receptionist who just waved back half heartedly. He didn’t even bother checking in with her anymore. It had been six months since his first visit to this building and now he had countless jobs under his belt. He was one of the most highly requested hitmen in the business. He walked into the office and tossed his last folder onto the desk.

Erwin slowly turned his eyes up to Eren with a small frown. “Titan.”

Eren faltered. “Something bothering you, Mr. Smith?”

“You want to explain to me why Zoe Hanji was in my office asking me all sorts of questions?” Erwin’s frown deepened.

Eren balked. “Hanji?”

Erwin pursed his lips. “You’re clearly not being careful enough for someone who doesn't want his family to know his dealings.”

Eren clenched his teeth. “I didn’t ask you for a lecture.”

“You’re getting one, regardless. You might not think very highly of me, but you’re one of my most valuable assets. When Hange walked in here and asked me if I remembered you, the only thing I could think was I was going to lose the best hitter I have. Cover your tracks better, Titan,” Erwin leveled Eren with a piercing gaze.

“You didn't tell her anything,” it was more of a statement than a question.

Erwin laughed, a bitter bark of  sound. “Of course not. As I said, I’m not looking for my best hit man to be compromised.”

Eren sunk down into one of the chairs in front of the desk. “What did she want from you?”

“She wanted to know if I’d heard of Titan in the business,” Erwin sighed. “Hange can be too perceptive for her own good. I told her that I’d check around but I haven't heard anything personally. So, where did she get the idea that she needed to check?”

Eren closed his eyes. “I will adjust my behavior. Thank you for the warning, Mr. Smith.” He stood and turned towards the door.

“Eren,” Erwin called after him. Eren’s whole body tensed. “Excuse me, Titan. Don’t you want your next job?”

Eren turned back and nodded. “Make it a good one.”

Erwin held out a folder. “It is.”

Eren nodded again, took the folder and left, the door swinging shut behind him. Erwin sighed softly, looking at the now shut door and spoke softly. “Have the answers you wanted now, Hange?”

Hanji crawled out from under Erwin’s desk and stood, dusting herself off. “It was nice of your secretary to give you that warning,” she said casually. “It would have put a damper on my plans if Eren saw me here, now.”

“Now that I’ve broken my promise to him, I have a question for you,” Erwin calmly looked up at Hanji.

“I can’t promise I’ll answer, but go ahead,” Hanji nodded. “And I wouldn't say you broke your promise, you did tell me all the things you said you did, but also let me hide when he showed up.”

“I promised that word of his employment wouldn't reach your ears,” Erwin raised an eyebrow. “But what I want to know is what you’ve done to that kid.”

“What do you mean?” Hanji was taken back.

“The brat that Levi married was nothing like the man that I’ve got on my payroll,” Erwin replied. “I understand life experiences can change a person, I mean, look at all of us, but that is something else. That is a man who is so convinced that he’s alone that he has manufactured personalities for every individual interaction. That is a man who is afraid of losing something important, so I’m asking, what you and my darling student have done to manage to break him so thoroughly?”

“You think _we_ did something?” Hanji glared.

“Yes,” Erwin nodded. “I think you've done something terrible and maybe aren't even aware of it. I’d take a closer look from now on. However, maybe I shouldn't encourage that. As he is, Eren is quite valuable to me, after all.”

Hanji blinked at Erwin. “You’re serious.”

“Deadly so,” Erwin leveled Hanji with a familiar gaze, and she sighed.

“I’ll… I’ll look into it. I have an awful lot on my plate already,” Hanji crossed her arms. “What else do you know about Eren?”

Erwin’s eyes flicked to the door before back to Hanji. “Not much. Our conversations are generally just like the one that you’ve just witnessed. I wouldn't say he trusts me all that much.”

“Then how do you know so much about him?” Hanji frowned.

“Because I didn't trust him either,” Erwin raised an eyebrow. “I had someone tail him when he first started getting jobs from me. I couldn't just take his word that he wasn't going to betray Levi, now could I?”

“You’ve determined that he’s not?” Hanji asked.

“I wouldn't keep giving him jobs otherwise,” Erwin nodded.

“I think you’ve missed some things,” Hanji looked at the ground.

Erwin tilted his head. “I’ve missed something?”

“The girl. He’s with a girl,” Hanji clenched her fists. “He’s going to break Heichou’s heart.”

Erwin frowned. “The weapons dealer?” He pulled out a folder and slid a picture across the table.

Hanji glanced at it, noting the same blonde girl as before. “The very one. She’s a weapons dealer?”

Erwin nodded. “I’ll look into her more. I’ll contact you the usual way when I have more information.”

Hanji nodded. “I appreciate the help, Erwin.”

“Well, I am quite invested in the family that was never meant to be his,” Erwin put the folder away.

Hanji frowned. “Not this again.”

“I’m not plotting anything, Hange. You know I never am, but you also know that Levi’s never had the capacity to be an effective leader. He’s too emotional, too rigid, too involved. He is a formidable soldier, but not a ruler. Without you and I guiding him the family would fall to pieces even more than it already has. Obviously I intend to prevent that from happening,” Erwin sighed. “As I always have before.”

Hanji rolled her eyes. “You’re the only one who would tell me Levi is too emotional.”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Erwin narrowed his eyes. “It was his overly emotional decisions that cost me my arm. That is why we exist, Hange. We are here to guide him as best we can.”

Hanji sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Look into the girl. There are still a few things that don't add up. I’m going to be late to take Heichou to his next meeting.”

Erwin nodded. “Take care, Hange.”

Hanji glanced over her shoulder as she walked away. “Contact me when you know something more. This isn't to go through Levi just yet.”

“I never planned it to in the first place,” Erwin confirmed as the door swung shut.


	11. Chapter 11

“Eren, wait,” Levi reached for the younger man, even as he is moves towards the door.

Eren paused and looked back. “What?”

Levi hesitated. Today isn't unlike so many others that had come before, when Eren comes home with the look of pure lust in his eyes and he just _takes_ before leaving again, and Levi doesn't want to push. Levi has warned Hanji against it and there was no way he wanted to do it himself, but recently, something inside of him has felt so cold and empty when Eren walks out the door after sex and Levi almost felt vulnerable. There was a small, renegade part of him that called out to his younger husband before the logical part that always told him not to speak could silence it.

“What is it?” Eren reiterated when Levi remains silent.

Levi looked up at him from the floor of his office, knowing he won’t be able to stand just yet. “Today, can you stay for a little while?”

Eren looked surprised for a moment before he nodded, coming back over to sit on the floor by Levi, and suddenly, Levi is acutely aware of the fact that Eren is fully dressed and he himself is not. It made him uncomfortable and he doesn't know why.

“Is there something wrong?” Eren asked after a few seconds of silence.

“I miss you,” Levi says before he can stop himself again.

Eren tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean, you see me all the time.”

Levi shook his head, but this time manages to keep extra words from tumbling out. “Forget I said anything. Can you help me with my pants?”

A look of confusion crossed Eren’s face as he reaches over and grabs Levi’s pants from where they had been discarded and holds them out. It only intensifies when Levi shook his head again.

“No, I meant, like how you used to,” Levi muttered.

Eren blinks for a second before standing up and carefully lifting Levi, deftly sliding the smaller man’s pants on to his frame before setting him on his feet, only to have Levi hiss and wobble when he is left to carry his own weight. 

Eren catches him again, lifting him up into his arms bridal style. “Are you hurting?”

Levi remained silent, carefully nestling his head into the crook of Eren’s neck. Eren hesitated for a few moments and then walks over to the couch tucked in the corner of Levi’s office before sitting with the older man in his lap. He arranged Levi gently so they are nestled together. Levi lets Eren take control and move him like a doll, he just sitting limply, inhaling Eren’s familiar scent and wondering how long he could keep Eren there before his younger husband would decide it was time to leave.

“Is this alright for you back?” Eren asked gently after he finishes arranging Levi.

Levi just hummed in response, nuzzling further into Eren’s warmth. If feels like its been so long since Eren held him like this and he doesn’t want to waste a second of it. Eren sighed softly, sitting back, taking Levi with him, still nestled into his broad chest.

“Are you tired?” Eren asked softly.

Levi nodded. He does feel like he could fall asleep here if Eren stayed long enough.

“Take a nap. You deserve a break,” Eren said as he runs a soothing hand along the length of Levi’s spine.

“Will you stay?” Levi asked, hating how needy he felt.

“Of course,” Eren smiled and rests his cheek against to top of Levi’s head. “I’m your pillow now so go ahead and sleep a little.”

Levi closed his eyes, and began to feel sleep pulling at him. After a few minutes, Eren carefully takes his phone out of his pocket to keep himself occupied while Levi slept. He pulled open his text app and messages Erica.

 

_Eren/ I’m going to be late._

 

_Erica/ You okay?_

 

_Eren/ Yeah. Fine._

 

_Erica/ What’s wrong. :/_

 

_Eren/ Nothing. Just…_

 

_Erica/ Just?_

 

_Eren/ I think I’ve been hurting Levi._

 

_Erica/ ?_

 

_Eren/ When I have sex with him I think I’ve been hurting him._

 

_Erica/ Cuz he’s a cripple?_

 

_Eren/ I really wish you wouldn't call him that._

 

_Erica/ My bad. But is that why?_

 

_Eren/ Yeah._

 

_Erica/ I’m pretty sure Humanity’s Strongest wouldn't let you_

_actually hurt him._

 

_Eren/  He couldn't stand on his own._

 

_Erica/ Oh._

 

_Eren/ Yeah._

 

_Erica/ Did he say anything about it?_

 

_Eren/ You don't know my husband. Getting information out_

_of him is as likely as surviving a nuclear blast at ground_

_zero._

 

_Erica/ That’s unhelpful._

 

_Eren/ I know. I usually just have to read him._

 

_Erica/ Well, how did that go?_

 

_Eren/ I said I’m going to be late, didn't I?_

 

_Erica/ That bad?_

 

_Eren/ He asked me not to leave._

 

_Erica/ Huh. That sounds…_

 

_Eren/ Surprisingly vulnerable for him._

 

_Erica/ Yeah. What’s he doing?_

 

_Eren/ Sleeping._

 

_Erica/ ??? Why can’t you leave then?_

 

_Eren/ He’s sleeping on me. We’re in his office._

 

_Erica/ If I didn't hate him, I’d find that cute._

 

_Eren/ I’m rolling my eyes._

 

_Erica/ Fine. It’s cute. But I still don't like him. Lemme see._

 

_Eren/ *photo of Levi asleep on Eren’s chest*_

 

_Erica/ Aww. Look at that, he almost doesn't look vicious._

 

_Eren/ Erica. Be nice. Please._

 

_Erica/ What, I said it was cute._

 

_Eren/ I’ll call you when I’m on my way._

 

_Erica/ Alright. See you later._

 

_Eren/ Yup._

 

Eren dropped his phone and sighed softly, careful not to jostle Levi. Eren knew that he had been a bit more rough with Levi than he used to be, but if he hurt Levi, he thought the older man would have said something before now. Or at all, because Levi technically hadn't said anything, Eren was left to read Levi’s behavior, which wasn't unusual, even of it was occasionally frustrating.

Levi slept for 45 minutes before Hanji came into the office. She looked around in confusion before she noticed Eren waving at her as frantically as he could without waking his sleeping bundle. He held his finger to his lips to hush her before he motioned to Levi in his lap.

Hanji frowned, confusion rising inside. This didn't fit with all of the evidence she had to this point. Eren sitting calmly with Levi asleep in his lap, telling her not to wake him didn't fit in with the callous Eren that left Levi in such a rough state and was cheating in his husband. Just another puzzle piece that didn't fit in with all of the others.

She walked forward and whispered. “He has a meeting soon.”

Eren made a disapproving face. “Is there any way he can skip it? He seemed really tired,” he whispered back.

Hanji bit her lip. “I wouldn't normally say yes, but…”

“I’m awake,” Levi muttered, not opening his eyes.

Eren jumped slightly before he laughed slightly. “I didn't wake you, did I?”

Levi grunted softly and shook his head, sitting up and blinking the sleep away. “I shouldn't have slept that long. You must be uncomfortable.”

Eren smiled gently. “Not at all. Besides, you needed me.”

Levi grunted again and stood up. This time, he didn't struggle like he did before. Eren sighed in relief before he could stifle it. Levi shot him a look. “Hanji, give us a few minutes. I’ll be ready to go soon.”

Hanji nodded and left. Eren bit his lip. “Why?” He whispered.

“Why what?” Levi asked, walking slowly over to is desk where his cane was propped. 

“Why didn't you tell me I’ve been hurting you?” Eren stood, too.

“It wasn't important,” Levi said.

“Of course it’s important!!” Eren’s voice raised, slightly.

“You were getting what you needed. That’s all that mattered. Who was I to ruin that?” Levi said, staring at this desk with his back to Eren.

Eren felt his anger flair. “So you being in so much pain you cant get your own pants back on is less important than me getting a little sexual gratification?”

“Yes,” Levi replied.

“Look at me,” Eren asked, trying to keep his anger under control. Levi didn't respond and he didn't turn around. Eren felt something break and he growled. “Fine. I can’t figure you out, Levi. Sometimes I don't know what the point of trying is. Why do we even bother? What’s the point of this relationship if you don't talk to me?”

Levi didn't move. He didn't speak. He just stood there, his back to Eren, taking the words like they meant nothing. Eren growled again and turned without another word,  stomped out of the office. Once he was sure that Eren was gone, Levi muttered. “You don't talk to me, either. I’m supposed to protect you.”

He reached up and touched his cheeks, feeling the wetness there, hating his emotions for breaking through, even if he was alone. But it wasn't just when he was alone. He had felt unwilling to let Eren see his tears and that was wrong. Everything was wrong with that because Eren was the only one who could see inside of Levi. Levi never said when he was in pain, when he was hurting, when he wanted to cry. Maybe it was unfair, but Eren had always known without having to say a word. Eren had always been able to see the true Levi behind the mask and at some point, he stopped looking. Somewhere along the line, Eren started looking only at the outside like everyone else. Maybe Levi had been too hopeful, too needy, too willing to believe. Perhaps, it truly was a dream to believe that someone might be able to love a person like him. Just maybe, Levi had let himself be too childish, let himself get sucked into a fantasy. And now, that fantasy was breaking apart because he took someone so full of light and happiness and everything that was _good_ and suffocated him in the oppressive darkness that was Levi’s heart and his very _life_ and he had ruined him. He had taken someone pure and honest and kind and let him in, no, lead him in, to this world that took the good from everything. He had willingly partook in the destruction of Eren’s light and there was no going back now. Now, he had to focus on damage control. Now, he had to fix Eren before the younger man was irreparable.

It took him a few more minutes to calm down before he was able to put the emotionless mask back on and meet Hanji in the lobby.

“Hanji,” Levi nodded and she turned to him, a look of concern on her face.

“What happened in the five minutes I left you alone?” She asked. “Eren stormed out of here.”

“I’m authorizing a full investigation into Eren. You’re right, there is something wrong with him,” Levi turned away from her, unable to look her in the eyes.

Hanji blinked. “Why the change of heart?” 

“He no longer can see me,” Levi said quietly.


	12. Chapter 12

“He’s an idiot!” Eren growled out, pacing around his apartment.

Erica sighed. “But you love him.”

“Of course I love him!” Eren slammed his fist into the counter. “But he’s still an idiot!”

“Love is like that,” Erica watched him from her place on the couch.

“The worst thing is, I should have noticed. I mean, obviously he should have told me I was hurting him, but how could I have been so selfish? I knew he couldn't do what he used to, and I didn't even think…” Eren’s head thunked to the counter between his clenched fists. “I’m a shitty husband.”

Erica stood and walked over behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “How were you supposed to know if he acted like he was always fine?”

Eren looked to the side, his cheek still pressed to the counter. “I’m sorry, I’m sure the last thing you wanted to hear about was my family.”

“It’s alright, boss. I don't like them, but I like you and what’s the point of a best friend if not this?” Erica smiled. “I know, why don't we go to a bar and you can be my wingman and find me a date, because god knows I need one and you _definitely_ need a drink.”

Eren nodded. “That sounds fantastic.”

“I don’t go for the brooding type, though,” Erica crossed her arms. “Don’t go finding me a Levi.”

“You got it,” Eren laughed, feeling like a weight was lifting off his shoulders.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Eren opened his eyes slowly, a pounding headache making his skull feel like it was about to split. He groaned softly and sat up, looking around. It took a few moments for him to remember where he was.

“Erica,” he called, more of a moan of despair than her name.

Erica poked her head into the living room from the kitchen. “Hey, sleepy. Good to see you're still in the world of the living.”

“Thanks for letting me crash on your couch,” Eren groaned out.

“No problem. I’ve got some greasy breakfast ready for you if you want it,” Erica grinned and motioned back into the kitchen. “You were a mess last night.”

Eren stood, wobbly for a second before he regained his balance and followed her into the kitchen. “Oh man, what did I do?”

“Well, you sure as hell didn't want to go home,” Erica pointed out and placed a plate in front of him.

Eren ran a hand down his face. “I see that. I'm going to get a lecture for sure.”

“Well, you can stay here as long as you need. I have to go to work though, so if you have to go at any point, just lock my door, okay?” Erica nodded. “Mi casa es su casa.”

Eren offered as much of a smile as he could muster with the absolutely aggressive hangover beating away at his brain. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“Yeah, yeah, you owe me, Ackerman,” Erica stuck out her tongue.

Eren frowned. “Maybe… Maybe you shouldn’t call me that.”

Erica paused. “What are you saying, boss?”

Eren rested his face in his hands. “Nothing…”

“Nuh uh. You’re not getting away with that. Hold on,” Erica pulled out her phone and typed on it quickly. “i just told Jimmy to open the shop without me. Now talk to me, what are you on about?”

Eren sighed. “I just… I wonder if maybe Levi would be better without me. I think… I hurt him more than anything else.”

“So you’re saying you want to divorce him?” Erica frowned. 

“I don’t think its a question of want so much as should,” Eren sighed again.

Erica plopped down in the chair across the table from him. “Listen here, kid. You’re as in love as it gets and as much as I hate to give that bastard any kind of praise, he loves you. That much is obvious. Work this out, but don’t make yourself more miserable.” 

Eren nodded, a small frown on his lips. Erica sighed and continued. “Talk to him about it. Sit down like adults and communicate. And if that’s too much, just start to be gentler with him.”

Eren nodded again and smiled weakly at her. “Is it alright if I crash here for a while longer, I’ll go back to my apartment later.”

Erica stood and walked over to Eren, gently running her fingers through his hair, as if to sooth him. “Maybe you should go home?”

Eren’s eyes widened slightly. “Where’s my phone?”

“It should be in your pocket,” Erica shrugged. “Are you alright? I should go.”

Eren nodded, pulling his phone out, frowning at the screen. There was precisely one text message. That was unusual, normally, Levi wouldn’t stop calling until he was sure Eren was safe. He opened the text.

 

_L/ I know you’re mad and I don't blame you_

_I was stupid like always. Call me when you_

_want to talk about it so I can apologize_

_properly. I get that you don't want to see_

_me right now, but if you can, please just tell_

_me you’re safe. I love you, Eren. I’m sorry._

 

Eren sighed and sent a single word back. _Safe._

Erica frowned and patted his shoulder. “It’s going to be alright, boss. Do you want me to stay home with you today?”

Eren blinked away tears as quickly as he could. “I couldn't ask you to do that.”

Erica leaned forward, trying to get a better view of his face. “It’s no biggie.”

Eren shook his head. “No, I think I need to be alone for a while.”

Erica nodded. “You got it, boss… I’ll see you later.” And with that she left.

Eren got up and wandered back to the couch. He knew he had to do something, had to figure out how to fix his relationship, but that could wait until he got a little more sleep.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“I have a question for you, Titan,” Erwin leaned forward.

“What, Mr. Smith?” Eren asked. He had just turned in his last job. It had been two weeks since his outburst in Levi’s office and they still hadn't properly spoken since then.

“Tell me about your weapon smith,” Erwin studied Eren’s face.

Eren blinked in surprise. “Her name is Erica. She make really beautiful weaponry. Why do you ask?”

“I just have to do my job,” Erwin replied. “Do you have feelings for her?”

Eren laughed. The sound sent chills down Erwin’s spine, the anger behind that laugh was nothing short of threatening. “Are you still assessing me to see if I’ll betray Levi?”

Erwin steeled himself. “Of course.”

Eren shook his head. “She’s a friend. No more, no less.”

Erwin nodded. He could detect no lie on the younger man. “Alright.”

Eren rolled his eyes and left with his next job. Erwin pulled out his phone and sent a secured text to Hanji.

 

_Erwin/ Don't worry about the girl._

 

_Hanji/ What? How do you know?_

 

_Erwin/ Just be good and listen to me._

 

_Hanji/ That’s not good enough._

 

_Erwin/ You know better than to ask me to reveal my sources._

 

_Hanji/ Fine._

 

Needless to say, Hanji was still worried. Especially since every time she saw Levi and Eren in the vicinity of each other these days, there was nothing but stony silence. Her phone pinged again.

 

_Erwin/ In a somewhat related matter, I’ve had some questionable_

_clientele in asking for Titan’s services._

 

_Hanji/ Questionable how?_

 

_Erwin/ I’m unable to identify them. Something just seems off._

 

_Hanji/ Look into it. Keep me posted._

 

_Erwin/ I always do._

 

Hanji sighed and put her phone away. At least she could trust Erwin to do the leg work for things like this. She would just have to wait for him to contact her again. Right now, though, she needed to figure out what was going on with her boys.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my life blood. Please leave some! Tell me what you're thinking, what you want to see, what you think is going to happen, what you think should happen.... Anything! :3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? My third post in a week?  
> I'm just churning these chapters out!  
> I have... A lot planned. I hope everyone has tightened their seat belts by now.

Eren’s phone rang around midday one a day like any other, as he was trailing a target. He pulled it out and frowned, noting it was Erwin. He had the number saved for emergencies but neither of them had ever contacted each other this way.

“Hello?” Eren answered.

There was silence for a few moments and Eren frowned until the voice cracked across. A bad connection? “Titan.”

“I’m here, Mr. Smith. Talk quickly, I’m working,” Eren said.

“I need you to come into the office now. It’s important,” Erwin replied, but he sounded wrong. Almost… In pain?

“Now?” Eren asked slowly.

“Yes,” Erwin replied after a moment. Then the call clicked. Eren stared down at his phone, his frown deepening. Something was definitely wrong. It only took him ten minutes to get to the office.

Eren walked into Erwin’s office as he had many times before, but this time, something was different. The usually bored receptionist seemed awfully alert. She nodded at him and waved him back, but something in her eyes seemed almost afraid. Eren cautiously walked down the hallway and entered Erwin’s office. As soon as the door swung shut, a laser sight appeared on his chest. Eren froze.

“What is the meaning of this, Mr. Smith?” Eren said slowly. The usually well lit room was dark, but Eren could make out some movement from the desk.

“Eren…” Erwin’s voice whispered from his left.

Eren turned, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dark, noticing the figure on the floor in the corner. “What…”

“You shouldn't have come,” Erwin muttered.

“You called me,” Eren replied.

“I never had before, I thought you were smarter than this,” Erwin rasped out, the end of his sentence dissolving into coughing.

Suddenly, the room was flooded with light and Eren had to blink several times. Erwin was indeed slumped in the corner of the room, but he was barely recognizable, beaten seemingly within an inch of life. “Erwin,” Eren gasped out.

A rasping laugh came from the older man’s chest. “So this is what it takes to have you call me by my first name.”

Eren blinked in shock. “Who did this?”

Erwin weakly nodded towards the desk. “A traitor.”

Eren’s eyes turned to the desk, having forgotten the movement he had detected there in his shock. “Who are you?” He hissed.

“Now, now, Titan, don't you think you should be more respectful? I’m in control of your life at the moment,” the man sitting there said quietly.

“Let him go,” Erwin struggled to move from his slumped position. “He has nothing to do with this, K-“

The man cut him off. “Ah, let’s leave names out of this for now, shall we, Erwin. I think he has everything to do with this. For the first time, you've been useful to me instead of a hinderance. Unfortunately, your use has been expended, so you are dismissed,” the man grinned as a second laser sight appeared on Erwin’s chest and seconds later, a shot rang out, Erwin slumping to the ground.

Eren’s body jolted, but he was acutely aware of the position he was in. “What do you want?” He whispered, not taking his eyes off the lifeless form of Erwin.

“I have a job for you,” the man grinned, sliding a folder across the desk.

Eren slowly walked forward, opening the folder and barely glancing at it before closing it again. “And if I say no?”

“I will find a replacement for you, but they will get this folder,” the man slid a second one over. Eren opened it, and his eyes widened. “Mhm, it includes the names of everyone you love, correct? I didn't miss anyone, did I?”

Eren carefully picked up the first folder. “I accept the terms. I will contact you here when the job is done. It will take time.”

“When you do it, I want you to wear this. It will stream footage directly to me. It’s not that I don't trust you, Titan, but I don't trust you,” the man grinned and slid a body camera across the desk. 

Eren hesitated and then picked it up. “Agreed. Am I permitted to leave?”

The man nodded. “I’ll anxiously await your successful return.”

Eren nodded and turned away. Climbing back into his car, Eren let a growl of rage and frustration and gripped his steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. After a few minutes, he reigned in his emotions enough to let go and pulled out his phone. It only rang twice before Erica picked up.

“Hey, Eren,” she greeted.

“My place, 15 minutes,” Eren growled out.

“On my way,” Erica said, no hesitation in her voice.

They arrived at the apartment at the same time. Neither said a word until they were both inside and the door was bolted behind them.

“What happened?” Erica said after a second.

Eren let out a low growl and clenched his fists. “My employer has been killed.”

“What?” Erica’s eyes widened. “How?”

“Some other guy was waiting for me. He took out Erwin Smith like it was nothing,” Eren spoke through gritted teeth.

“What did the other guy want?” Erica asked slowly.

Eren’s face contorted impossibly further. “He gave me a job.”

Erica blinked. “What job.”

Eren pulled the file out and tossed it onto the table before stalking around the kitchen like a caged tiger. “He threatened everyone if I don't do it. Even you.”

Erica opened the file, her eyes widening further before she closed it and took a deep breath. “So you do it.”

Eren turned so quickly that Erica thought he might break something. “What?”

Erica bit her lip and then steeled herself. “So you do the job. Do it, get it over with and satisfy this guy so he will leave you and everyone you care about alone.”

“You think I… Should actually do the job?” Eren blinked at her like she was crazy.

Erica nodded. “Yes, I do.”

The growl that came out of Eren was so inhuman that Erica actually took a step back just before he punched a hole through the wall. But he didn't stop there. Eren grabbed a nearby glass and slung it at the wall so hard it shattered and pulled his gun from the holster, pointing it at the sofa before Erica stepped in.

“It’s not silenced. A call to the cops isn't want you need right now,” Erica said gently, stepping forward, placing her hand on the wrist holding the gun.

Eren’s wild eyes swung to her and for a second, she almost feared that the weapon in his hand would be turned to her, but within moments, his eyes softened from unbridled rage to genuine sadness. “How can I do the job?” He asked, his voice cracking.

“Like any other,” Erica replied, holding his gaze, trying to offer him whatever strength she could. “I’ll support you like I always do.”

Eren’s breath caught in his throat. “How am I supposed to… How can I?” A tear ran down his cheek.

Erica leaned forward and pulled Eren into her arms. “What other option is there?”

“But it’s _him_ ,” Eren cracked, tears streaming freely. “How could anyone ask me to kill _him_.”

Erica followed Eren as he sunk to the floor, still holding him tightly. “It’s going to be okay. Don’t think about it, just do it. Call me immediately after and I’ll come to you, not matter what.”

Eren sniffled. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

Erica leaned back and looked into Eren’s eyes. “Think of it as protecting everyone else. He’s a mark now and nothing else.”

Eren hiccuped, wiping his face to try and stop the tears. “But he’s not just a mark. He’s my husband.”


	14. Chapter 14

Eren went home that night and found Levi sitting in his home office, his head resting on his desk, asleep. Eren felt a pang of guilt, realizing that since their fight, Levi hadn't come to bed. He’d probably been sleeping here when he got the chance. He gently ran his fingers down the older man’s arm, waking him.

“Hey,” he whispered as Levi jerked awake. “It’s just me.”

“Eren,” Levi ran his hand down his face, as if he could hide the fact that he had been asleep. “What do you need?”

Eren slowly knelt next to the chair and placed his head in Levi’s lap as the other man turned to face him. “Your forgiveness.”

Levi looked down in surprise. “You’ll always have that, Eren. It wasn’t your fault.”

Eren shook his head. “It was, at least partially. I love you, Levi and I’ve done you wrong, hurt you. Let me make it up to you tonight?”

Levi gently ran his fingers through the soft strands of Eren’s hair, his head still cradled in his lap. “Anything you want.”

Eren stood and lifted Levi out of his chair, cradling him against his chest. Levi let out a soft sound of surprise as his arms came up instinctively to wrap around Eren’s neck. Eren carried his out of the room and upstairs to their bedroom, placing Levi on the large, soft bed.

Eren hovered over Levi, looking down at him until Levi’s hand came up and gently cupped the side of Eren’s face. “You look sad.”

Eren snorted softly and looked away. “I’m fine.”

“I’ll always forgive you,” Levi said after a moment. “I just wish you’d talk to me more.”

Eren frowned. “From you, that’s funny.”

Levi dropped his hand and crossed his arms. “You knew what I was from day one.”

Eren closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he looked at Levi again. “Please, tonight, can we not fight? Just tonight, let’s love each other like we used to.”

Levi’s mouth opened, his eyes widening and Eren kissed him to block out the hurt that swirled into those dark eyes. When Eren kissed down Levi’s jaw to his neck, Levi didn't try to speak again. He just let Eren divest him of his clothes, kiss him and touch him, making soft sounds to let Eren know that he was at least enjoying the attention.

It wasn't until Eren slid down his body to his cock that Levi spoke. “Eren.”

Eren looked up, lips inches from Levi’s skin. “Hm?” He hummed, the air enough to make Levi tremble in anticipation.

“Eren, I need you…” _to understand that I still love you just the same, we aren't broken_. Levi started but couldn't seem to finish.

Eren smiled gently, and for a second Levi thought he understood the full meaning. “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you.”

But before Levi could try to muster up the words, Eren was taking him in his mouth, sucking his cock down with expert precision that took Levi’s breath away. Even if he could figure out the words, Levi couldn't say them between the moans that escaped his lips.

Eren pulled off him with a pop after what felt like an eternity and also no time at all. Levi groaned at the loss of the warmth on his cock and opened his eyes, suddenly aware that Eren hadn't prepared him at all during that blowjob. He bit his lip hard to keep from saying anything as he steeled himself, preparing for the pain.

But Eren came back up and pressed a gentle kiss to Levi’s jaw, moving slowly closer to Levi’s lips before kissing him deeply.

“What’s wrong, you bit yourself so hard you’re bleeding,” Eren whispered, punctuating his words with a swipe of his tongue along Levi’s now damaged lower lip.

Levi shook his head. ‘Just tonight, let’s love each other like we used to’ echoing in his head. He didn't want to say anything because he still loved Eren like he used to so that phrase could only mean that Eren _didn’t_. He didn't want to say anything, he wanted to let Eren take what he needed as always, because if Eren didn't love him like before and his willing body was all he could offer, he’d be damned if he would take that away. He didn't want to say anything because Eren was looking at him so softly right now and Levi didn't want to be the reason that look went away. No, Levi would stay quiet and be what Eren needed because that’s all he had left.

Eren’s brow furrowed. “Hey, it’s okay. I said I’m going to take care of you, didn't I?”

Levi blinked, halfway tempted to suck that lip back into his mouth and continue to bite it, but Eren hadn't seemed to like that, so he just lay still.

Eren reached up and gently ran his fingers over Levi’s cheek. “Are you nervous? I know It’s been a long time and I know am, but I promise, I’ll keep it together.”

Levi frowned and the word slipped out before he could stop it. “What?”

Eren smiled. “There you are, I was worried for a second that you forgot how to speak. You just lay there and look pretty for me. I’ll do everything, okay?”

“Eren, wh-” Levi started but his words were cut off in his throat as Eren sat back, the tip of Levi’s cock rubbing against the heat of Eren’s body and suddenly, Levi knew what was happening. Before he could even react, he was sliding into that heat, that delicious, wet tightness that he had almost forgotten the feeling of and Levi had to squeeze his eyes shut to concentrate on not coming. It wasn't until Eren had him fully sheathed and he stopped moving that Levi managed to open his eyes and take in the view in front of him.

“Eren,” He gasped out, reached out only to have his hand intercepted by Eren’s own and Eren leaned forward, bringing Levi’s fingers to his lips.

“This is easier for you, right?” Eren whispered into Levi’s hand. “It doesn't hurt your back, does it?”

Levi gaped at him for along moment before he looked over the younger man appraisingly. “You’re shaking.”

Eren gave Levi a small, weak smile. “Yeah.”

“We haven’t… Not since…” Levi stumbled over his words before he held open his free arm and tugged softly on the one Eren was clutching. “Come here, let me hold you. Don't be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Eren replied, but he leaned forward anyway, letting Levi wrap his arms around him. “I’m okay, it’s just been… a long time.”

Levi nodded, soothingly running his fingers over Eren’s back. The younger man was so strong, that sometimes Levi forgot there were still some things that set off Eren’s panic. Especially when they both seemed to avoid those things like the plague, but now Eren was curled against him, sitting with Levi’s cock deep inside him, shaking like a leaf but swearing he was alright, all because he had noticed Levi had been hurting. Levi had to reassure him, make him understand that Levi could see how scared Eren was, and that Levi wouldn't hurt him.

“Take your time,” Levi whispered. “I wont move at all. What was it… Oh yes, I’ll ‘just lay here and look pretty for you’.”

Eren snorted out a laugh, lifting his head from where he had hidden his face in the crook of Levi’s neck. He was still shaking, but the fear in his eyes was mixed with amusement and determination. “I said I’d keep it together and I meant it.”

Levi let a small smile grace his lips. “Stubborn as always.”

“That’s why you love me,” Eren replied.

Levi tilted his head. “I love you for so many reasons.”

Eren laughed again and he sat up, taking Levi’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “I’m okay now.” He said softly, and slowly lifted his body before sinking back down. Levi hissed, closing his eyes for a second, the friction almost too good.

“Go slow,” Levi whispered. “I don't know how long I can last.”

Eren grinned down at him, but nodded. After figuring out a rhythm, Eren leaned forward again and pressed his forehead to Levi’s, their pants and moans mixing together in the mere inches separating their faces.

“Touch me,” Eren gasped as he bounced his hips a little faster than before. “Please, touch me.”

Levi slid the hand that wasn't locked in Eren’s down to the younger man’s cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts. Eren moaned loudly and sped up, Levi gasping loudly in response, unable to hold back, his own cock spasming inside Eren as he came. He managed to barely cling to his consciousness, forcing himself to concentrate enough to bring Eren to climax as well. When Eren came between them, Levi let his body go boneless on the bed.

After several moments, Eren rolled off Levi to the side and pulled the smaller man into his embrace, pressing soft kisses into sweat streaked hair.

“I love you, Eren,” Levi whispered.

“Mm,” Eren hummed softly. “I know. Shhh, relax.”

Levi frowned, suddenly aware that Eren hadn't said he loved him the whole time, but he decided that he could figure that out in the morning, right now he was in his love’s arms and it was all he really wanted. He felt sleep pulling at him and it wasn't long before he succumbed to it, drifting off in the warm comfort of Eren’s arms.

Eren lay in bed next to Levi and bit his lip, listening to the even breath of his husband. It’s now or never, he thought. Slowly reaching under the bed to reach the gun and the camera he had stashed there, placing the camera to record on the nightstand as he slowly pulled back the safety, wincing at the quiet click. Levi didn't stir. Eren sat up and aimed the gun at Levi’s sleeping form, but his vision was so blurred, he couldn't tell really where he was aiming. Eren angrily brushed away the tears, but new ones replaced the old ones faster than he could get rid of them. Eren put the safety back on and put the gun back into it’s hiding place. He couldn't do it. Not like this. Not now.

He had wanted to give Levi one last good memory before he did what he had to do, but he just _couldn’t._ He had managed not to tell the older man he loved him, knowing that would make killing him impossible, but it hadn't been enough. Levi looking at him with the pure love and adoration in his eyes had been enough to make this job impossible for Eren. Because Eren loved him, Eren loved Levi so much that it actually hurt, how was he supposed to _kill_ him?

Space. He needed space. Slowly, Eren slid out of the bed and dressed, taking his gun and the camera. He threw a few items of clothes into a bag and stood in the middle of the room, looking a the bed where Levi remained asleep. After a moment of hesitation, he took the new ID he had received in the mail not all that long ago and put it on the nightstand. He didn't deserve that, he thought. That new ID said ‘Eren Ackerman’ on it, and Eren didn't think he was worthy of that name anymore. He sighed softly. He pulled the ring off his finger and left that on top of the ID, because he didn't deserve that either.

“I love you, Levi,” Eren whispered before he took his bag and left, driving to his apartment in the dead of night.


	15. Chapter 15

Erica knocked on the door to Eren’s apartment again. This was the third time, and she was starting to get concerned. He hadn't been answering the phone or texts since the one concerning one he had sent the night before and she was at wit’s end. All she had was ‘ _I couldn't do it. I cant kill the person I love most. I had to leave and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can live through this.’_

Finally, in a last ditch effort, she tried the handle. The door swung open and Erica felt a little dumb for having stood outside for the last ten minutes. However, the sight that greeted her concerned her more than anything else. For lack of a better word, pure and utter destruction greeted her. It looked like someone had broken into the apartment and had broken literally everything, but more than that, Eren was sitting on the floor in the middle of the absolutely decimated living room, an open beer hanging in his limp hand that was draped over his knee.

“Took you longer than I thought,” Eren said, quietly.

Erica walked in, swinging the door shut behind her and kicking the empty cans and ruined furniture aside while making her way over to Eren. “How much have you had?”

Eren looked blankly at the can in his hand and shrugged. “Not enough.”

“It looks like it’s enough,” Erica replied, pushing more cans aside to sit across from Eren.

Eren looked at her, pain flashing in his dulled green eyes. “It still hurts.”

“What?” Erica tilted her head. “What hurts?”

Eren held up the arm that had been hidden behind his propped up legs. Blood poured freely down his wrist and Erica gasped. “Can still feel it.”

Erica leaned forward, grabbing his wrist and trying to stop the bleeding. “No more alcohol!” She cried. “It stops clotting, my god Eren, you’re bleeding to death!”

Eren shrugged noncommittally and tried to pull away, but Erica held on, feeling his blood seeping through her fingers. She wracked her brain, trying to find the words to convince him to let her help him. “Eren! I know it’s awful, but killing yourself won’t help anyone! If you do this, do you think that your employer will just forget about everything?”

Eren’s eyes rose and for a second, clarity flashed through the pain. “Shit,” he muttered. “The other file…”

Erica pulled off her coat as quickly as she could and held the fabric to Eren’s arm. “Hold this,” she commanded and was relieved when Eren slowly did as he was told. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

After a few minutes on the phone with the 911 operator, Erica sat next to Eren and pulled him into her arms. “It’s okay, boss. I’ve got you. Do you want me to call anyone on your side?”

Eren shook his head. “No, don't tell them. They can’t know.”

Erica nodded, mutely. “Okay. I’m here for you. I’m going to stay with you, don’t you worry.”

Eren nodded, snuggling into Erica’s chest. “I want to sleep.”

“Don’t sleep, you gotta stay awake, boss,” Erica shook Eren a little. 

“I like when you call me that,” Eren muttered, his words slurring a bit more now than before. “Makes me think of when I was sure of who I was.”

“I know just who you are. You’re Eren and you’re my best friend,” Erica smiled weakly. It was then that there was a knock on the door and Erica heaved a sigh of relief as a voice identified themselves as a paramedic. She jumped up and ran over to the door, swinging it open. “Please, help,” she gasped out and let them in.

It was a whirlwind of activity after that and it wasn’t long until Erica found herself sitting in a chair next to Eren’s hospital bed. He was asleep, but nurses kept coming in to change his bandages. He was still bleeding, even as they pumped Eren full of new plasma, and they had given him a methyton injection to stop the bleeding. Erica’s head was spinning from the sheer whiplash of all that had happened in the last hour and she couldn't help but be _so glad_ she had gotten there when she did. Honestly, Erica had no idea what she would have done if she had lost Eren today. Sure, he was a truly reckless person in the best of times, but he was like family to her now, and other than her sister, there wasn't anyone else in that category.

Which brought her to her next problem. Eren might be almost all of hers, but she wasn’t Eren’s entire family, and by his own drunken decree none of them would be there to comfort him when he woke up. She could understand the basic reasoning of not wanting them there (the exact reason of what prompted this would be difficult enough) but also, Erica knew how much Eren’s family meant to him. She knew how much he loved his husband and how much he cared about his sister and even Hanji (Erica hated admitting that Eren even thought about Hanji, let alone anything else but right now the truth was more important than her pride). She sighed, steeling herself to be everything he needed when he came to, in place of everyone else.

Hesitantly, Erica pulled out her phone and dialed her sister’s number. “Nessa…”

“Eri,” the warm voice of her sister filled her ears and Erica immediately felt calmer.

“You remember when you told me if there was anything you could do to help me all I had to do was ask?” Erica bit her lip, guilt sweeping over her.

“Yeah, what do you need, Eri?” Nessa asked.

“Can you watch the store for me for at least the next few days?” Erica muttered.

Nessa paused. “What happened.”

“Remember that friend I have? He’s in some trouble,” Erica said, desperately hoping her sister wouldn't comment.

“The Titan?” Nessa sounded annoyed. “You better tell me what’s going on.”

After Erica gave a brief rundown of what was happening, Nessa sighed. “Fine, I’ll cover for you, but I want to meet him.”

“Why?” Erica asked, alarmed.

“Do you want my help or not?” There was a twinge of amusement in Nessa’s voice.

“Okay, but can it wait until he’s out of the hospital?” Erica asked.

“Of course, Eri. You let me know when,” Nessa agreed easily.

“…Rica?” Eren’s voice floated to her ears and Erica almost jumped out of her skin, turning around hastily.

“Nessa, I need to go, I’ll call you later,” Erica said quickly as she hurried over to Eren’s side and hung up the phone. “Eren, my god, boss, I thought I was gone lose you for a second there.”

Eren smiled weakly. “Where are we?”

“Hospital,” Erica smiled at Eren and let out a relieved huff. “You gave me quite the scare.”

“I’m sorry,” Eren offered a sheepish smile in return. “I barely remember anything.”

“You drank a whole liquor store, I think. And then decided to die,” Erica ran her hand over Eren’s cheek, looking at him tenderly. “Please don't ever do this again.”

Eren pursed his lips, but didn't respond. Erica frowned, but continued anyway. “Listen, I’m going to look after you for a while, okay?”

Eren blinked at her. “What about the shop?”

Erica let a half smile crack through. “My sister is going to mind it, as long as she gets to meet you.”

Eren winced. “I can’t see that going well. I’m the reason she got shot.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t leave you alone apparently, so this is the best we’ve got,” Erica put her hands on her hips.

“Okay, Mom,” Eren joked weakly. Erica could tell he was fading back to sleep.

“I’m too young to be your momma, but your big sister will do just fine. Now go back to sleep, boss. I’ll be here,” Erica laughed a little before sinking into the chair she had occupied before, unable to help but think that Eren wasn't wrong. She wasn't sure having him and Nessa in the same room together was a great plan, but what else could she do?


	16. Chapter 16

Levi woke up and rolled over, stretching, noting that Eren wasn't in bed. He frowned, wondering where the younger man had gone. His mind felt a little hazy as he rolled out of bed and dressed, heading towards the bathroom. He was in there for a few minutes before he heard the bedroom door open.

“Heichou?” Hanji called out. “It’s late.”

“I’m coming,” Levi replied and exited the bathroom, only to find Hanji staring at the nightstand on Eren’s side of the bed.

“Levi…” She whispered. “What happened?”

Levi felt confusion rising, the obvious concern in Hanji’s voice hitting him. “What?”

Hanji blankly pointed at the nightstand and looked at him. “Did you guys fight again?”

Levi looked at the nightstand and felt like he had been punched in the gut. He took a slow, deep breath to calm himself before he went over to the dresser and opened drawer after drawer, each one lacking Eren’s things. Each new drawer was opened with a little bit more panic and slammed shut a little harder than the last. The last one was ripped open and slammed shut so hard it sounded like it cracked. Levi leaned forward, bracing his hands on the dresser, trying to school his breathing back to normal. All of Eren’s stuff was gone. Eren was gone, leaving behind the things that tied him to Levi. Eren had left him. After a moment, his eyes were drawn to the box that still sat on the dresser. Slowly, he picked up the ring box and walked back, placing the ring Eren had abandoned there in it’s place in the box. He blinked hard, refusing to let himself cry.

“I’ve overslept,” He said quietly. “I have meetings to get to.”

“Levi,” Hanji reached out for him, but he turned dark eyes on her, effectively stopping her movement.

“I believe we both have jobs to do, Hanji,” Levi’s voice was cold.

“Levi… I’l find him,” Hanji said, weakly. “I’ll call Mikasa and see if he’s with her.”

“If he wants to run from me, I can’t blame him,” Levi turned away. “It’s what I wanted anyway, isn't it? I wanted him to return to his old life.”

Hanji bit her lip. “No, you didn't want that.”

Levi hesitated and then began to walk away. “I have work to do.”

Hanji could almost see Levi’s heart shattering as he walked away from her. She clenched her fists and followed him. This wasn’t alright. No, she knew where to find Eren and she was going to go get him and bring him back, kicking and screaming if she had to.

She drove Levi to his meeting and then contacted Armin to take her place. She went to Eren’s apartment and broke in, as she had before. It was empty, but trashed. She looked around in confusion, noting it didn't look like anyone was there. Hanji bit her lip. She left quickly, and returned to the house, trying to find any news of Eren of Titan online. She couldn't find anything. Despite how angry she was at Eren right now, she felt worry rising. Where was he? She tried to call Erwin, but he didn't answer. Hanji clenched her teeth. Where was everybody??

Hanji leaned forward and buried her face into her arms, leaning on the table in front of her. How was she supposed to fix any of this if she couldn't find anyone? 

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Two days later, Eren was released from the hospital and Erica took him back to his apartment. He walked in and winced. “Well this is awful. Did I do all of this?”

Erica shrugged. “I think so. I didn't get here until it was already done.”

Eren sighed. “No way I’m getting my security deposit back.”

Erica rolled her eyes. “You go lie down. I’ll clean up. Call me if you need anything.”

Eren nodded and went in to the bedroom, relieved that he has at least left his bed alone. He lay down and traced his fingers over the cut in his wrist, still wrapped in bandage. He really had planned on dying, he knew that much, even if he couldn't really remember much of the night after getting to his apartment. He rolled over and sighed, mushing his face into the pillow, the faint sounds of Erica cleaning feeling oddly comforting.

He went over the events of that night, making love with Levi one last time before trying to kill him… Eren bit his lip. He hadn't been able to do it. How was he supposed to do this job? A morbidly funny thought crossed his mind as he lay there, that Levi would probably do it himself if Eren asked him to. That was the kind of person Levi was. He wouldn't want to put Eren through the pain of it. Eren shook his head to clear the thought. That was a stupid thing to think.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because when he opened his eyes again, Erica was sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, reading a book she must have brought with her. “Hey,” he muttered.

“Hey,” Erica smiled at him. “My sister is here.”

Eren sat up quickly. “You could have woken me up.”

Erica shook her head. “She knows what it’s like to be recovering from an injury. She’s in the living room.”

Eren stood up and walked towards the door, nervously trying to smooth down his hair as he went. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the girl sitting calmly on a folding chair in his mostly barren living room.

Erica walked around him and rolled her eyes. “I hope you don't mind, I took your credit card and ordered new furniture. For now I brought a couple chairs from the store.”

Eren shook his head, mutely watching as Erica’s sister stood. From the side view he had when he first entered, he hadn't noticed the damage but as she turned to face him he gasped. The right side of her face was pebbled with what looked like a healed shotgun wound and she was wearing a loose tank top the showed off her missing right arm, and the skin around it, also decorated with healed shotgun wound.

“Hello, Titan, my name is Vanessa. You can call me Nessa like Eri does,” she held out her left hand and Eren shook it awkwardly.

“I’m so, so sorry,” Eren gasped out. “It’s all my fault, I’m sorry.”

“Hm,” Nessa glanced at her armless shoulder before looking back at Eren, who’s hand she still gripped tightly. “Well, if it’s your fault, why don't you give me yours instead.”

“Nessa, be nice,” Erica rolled her eyes.

“I’m very nice,” Nessa replied. She released Eren’s hand and leveled him with a steely gaze. “Take off your shirt, Titan.”

“Nessa!” Erica stepped forward, but Eren shook his head and waved her off. He stripped off his shirt and dropped it off to the side.

Nessa stepped forward and studied the trails of scars all over his torso. “This one is a gunshot,” she poked his shoulder. “This one is a healed electrical burn,” she touched his side. “This is a couple rat bites, and you can see a burn around it, too,” she touched his stomach. “This one is… Did you do this yourself?” She touched a spot on his arm.

Eren’s eyes followed her exploration until she reached the scars he had left on himself. “Yes,” Eren closed his eyes. “When I felt unclean after I was… Tortured, I would try to scratch the feeling off me. Or wash it off until I bled.”

“Hm…” Nessa walked around him, studying the marks on him. “This one looks like it was done with a knife,” she ran her finger over some parallel lines on his back. “These are over your entire body?”

Eren nodded. “The only things untouched are my face and my crest. I don't know why they didn't touch that.”

“Well, now I know you haven’t been lying to my little sister,” she said, quietly. “My family abused you pretty badly, huh?”

Eren bit his lip and didn't say anything.

“Nessa, please,” Erica said, stepping forwards.

“They did things to you that these scars don't show, didn't they?” Nessa persisted.

Eren dropped his head and nodded, staring at the floor.

“Stop it,” Erica begged.

“You were innocent before all of this, weren’t you?” Nessa asked, ignoring her sister.

Eren continued his staring contest with the floor. “Yes.”

“If it hadn't been on the arm I lost, I’d burn my crest off,” Nessa snarled. “No one should do this to an innocent. This,” she motioned to the scarring she had. “Isn’t your fault. You were kidnapped and your family tried to save you. And I was angry because I didn't know, but now I do and I’m sincerely sorry that you were hurt this way. I want you to know that we weren’t all bad, though.” Nessa grinned.

Eren smiled at her, and nodded. “Actually, someone named Marlowe helped me and Levi out of a tight spot so… I knew that,” he looked at Erica. “That’s where I got your info from.”

Nessa nodded enthusiastically. “How’s that fairness obsessed prick?”

“You know him?” Eren looked surprised.

“A little bit. We’ve met a few times,” Nessa shrugged. “I always thought he was in the wrong profession.”

“You’re probably not wrong,” Eren smiled. “He’s good. We took him in after he helped us out.”

“So,” Nessa settled back into her chair and motioned to the ones set up across from her. “What are we going to do about your little problem?”


	17. Chapter 17

Hanji sat in the car in the parking lot near Eren’s apartment. It had been two weeks since she been here last. Levi had kept her extremely busy, expecting everyone to perform like he did even as he turned almost robotic and so much colder than he had been before. She didn't know what to do, and finally she had demanded a day off and drove straight over to Eren’s apartment.

She was staring at the window she knew to be his. “That’s it. I’m going up there and if he's there, I’m bringing him home. If he’s not, I’m waiting for him,” she said to herself and then got out of the car.

Walking up to the front of the building, Hanji managed to get into the building as someone else was leaving, waving with a pleasant thanks. She took the elevator up to Eren’s floor and walked up to his door. It was here that she hesitated. Finally, she decided to knock.

When the door swung open, Eren standing there, his eyes widening when he was who was there. “Hanji…”

Hanji walked forward, forcing him to back up until she was in the apartment and she closed the door behind her. She looked around, noting that everything seemed to be back in order.

“Long time no see, Eren,” Hanji said, once she was standing in the middle of the living room.

Slowly Eren backed up and then he turned and actually ran down the short hallway and into the bedroom. Hanji sprinted after him and just managed to get into the door way before he managed to slam the door shut.

“Let me talk to you, or so help me, god…” Hanji barked out and after a moment of struggle, Eren relented and backed away from the door, plopping down onto the bed and looking down as Hanji walked in. “Eren, come home.”

“No,” Eren said quietly.

“No? Honestly, Eren what are you thinking? Come back to us!” Hanji felt all the anger that had been building over the past few weeks rising to the surface.

“I can’t go back there,” Eren closed his eyes. “You couldn't understand.”

“Then help me understand. We all love you,” Hanji reached for him, but Eren jerked away, out of reach and stood on the other side of the bed, glaring across at her.

“You’re both looking for the weak Eren I was before,” Eren clenched his fists, rage building inside despite himself, his last ditch efforts to remain calm crumbling away. “I see it every time you look at me. I can’t… Pretend anymore.”

“Weak? Is that really what you think of yourself before?” Hanji looked absolutely dumbfounded and Eren felt confusion flooding into the cracks of the anger.

“Of course. The me I was before was pathetic,” Eren tried to hide it, tried to push the edge of confusion from his voice.

“You were never weak. Or pathetic,” Hanji sighed and ran her hand down her face. “Eren, you have always been the emotionally strongest person I’ve even known. You took everything that Levi and I threw at you in stride, you always gave an air of reckless optimism, wrapped in strength, no matter how hard I tried to break you and how far Levi pushed you. It was that which won me over, that power. That strength that gave me the will to let you near the most important person to me. When I asked you for help when I was unsure about Levi, it was that I was hoping to see. You delivered what I had hoped, but also seem to have misinterpreted everything beyond that.”

“What are you talking about?” Eren bit his lip.

“Before you were taken, you didn't have the physical strength you have now, or the fighting prowess, but what you had inside has always been stronger than anything you could do physically. You've been stronger than Levi or myself time and time again. And it is that we are looking for. Because since you regained your memories, you seem to think that your strength lies behind your fists and that anything else makes you pathetic. I just want you to see how strong you’ve always been, Eren. I want you to know that everyone just wants you to find peace with yourself and we will all love you just the same no matter what happens, what path you chose, we will love you. Especially Levi. Please, come home.”

Eren stopped and looked, really looked. Hanji looked exhausted. She looked utterly defeated. It now occurred to Eren not only what was there, but what was missing. “How’s Levi?” He asked quietly.

Hanji sighed deeply. “He is… Heichou. Eren, he needs you.”

“Where is he?” Eren tilted his head.

“He’s carrying out his duties as usual… But he is like a robot. I know he’s hurting,” Hanji bit her lip. “I asked him about finding you, but he told he that if you were running from him then he wasn't going to force you to stay with him. He blames himself for everything.”

“He doesn't know you found me, does he?” Eren said softly.

“No,” Hanji muttered.

“It’s probably better that way,” Eren closed his eyes.

“Eren, you can’t… You have to come home,” Hanji felt a sudden jolt of anger rise inside her. “What, your new girlfriend enough for you now? Less stressful than a man who has loved you for years?”

Eren blinked and turned a look of confusion on Hanji. “My new girlfriend?”

“I’ve seen her coming in and out of here, don't try and deny it. Pretty blonde girl. Does she make you feel good about yourself? Did you tell her you love her? Does she know you’re married?” Hanji felt the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“Erica,” Eren sighed, comprehension dawning on his face and he sighed. “The person you are referring to is Erica and you seem to have gotten a few things wrong.”

“Please, enlighten me,” Hanji growled out. This wasn't how she had wanted this to go, but even so,  this knowledge she had held inside had been eating her alive.

“Erica is my weapon smith and my friend. She saw my anger and didn't pretend that it wasn't there like you and Levi. Yes, she makes me feel good about myself, but not how you’re thinking. She makes me think its alright to be all that I am, not hiding the part of me that was created from my abduction. To answer your other questions, yes, she knows I’m married, she used to work for the MP before we took care of them. Her opinion of Levi isn’t high, but she is polite enough out of respect for me. But Hanji, I am decidedly, nothing other than gay. The female form is not at all desirable to me. I thought you knew that,” Eren ran his hand down his face in exasperation. “She is nothing more than a friend that has helped me out when I needed it the most.”

Hanji blinked and mentally kicked herself. Of course she had gotten this all wrong. She knew that women didn't interest Eren from the first day she had met him, straight from Mikasa’s mouth. And Erwin had told her not to worry about the girl. “Shit. I’m sorry, I just lost myself for a second,” Hanji bit her lip. “But why did you hide her from us?”

“She didn't want you know know her past, Hanji. I know what how good you are at finding out about people. Erica didn't want you to know who she is. Especially you, and I couldn't blame her,” Eren pursed his lips. “She’s going to be here soon, I’m sure you’ll understand when she arrives.”

Hanji sighed. “I really am sorry. I feel terrible about even thinking that you would hurt Levi like that.”

“No harm done,” Eren rolled his eyes. “Though slightly amusing.”

“So, if there isn’t anyone else, come home,” Hanji tried again.

“If I’m not there, maybe you can have what you’ve always wanted, too,” Eren looked at the ground and Hanji could almost see the pain radiating from Eren as he said that. Still, it took her a few moments to comprehend what he meant.

She scoffed. “God, Eren, what are you even thinking? I told you once I’d leave Levi to you, didn't I? I meant that. Plus, that man is Eren-sexual. Come on, come back with me.”

Eren shook his head, and almost looked like he was going to laugh before his face slid back to serious. “I assume that you know of the work I have been doing up until this point?”

Hanji slowly nodded her head. “I’m very good at investigation, Eren.”

Eren stood and slowly pulled a file out of his bag. He looked at it with disgust and tossed it across the bed between them. “This job was forced on me. And if I don’t complete it, someone else will. That was made clear to me.”

Hanji hesitantly picked up the folder and opened it. Her eyes widened as she glanced over the standard assassination file. “This is…”

Eren nodded. “Erwin Smith is dead, in case you didn’t know yet. The person who gave me this file saw to that.”

“Erwin…? Who gave you this?” Hanji demanded.

“I didn’t catch a name,” Eren looked truly disgusted. “I wasn’t offered the courtesy  of pleasantries. I assume that is normal, though, when the conversation is opened with laser sights on my chest.”

“You aren’t going to… To DO this?” Hanji threw the folder down in horror.

Eren slowly leaned forward and shuffled the pages back into the folder. “I don't know.”

“Eren!” Hanji gasped. “That’s… That’s…”

“I know what it is. It’s a hit on Levi. The man who gave me this had already demonstrated his willingness to take out people standing in his way. And he did his research, he knows that I can get close to Levi without problem. If I don’t take this job, he showed me the updated file with everyone’s names for my replacement. You, Mikasa, Armin, Erica… Everyone. I once told you that one life isn’t worth many. This is where I am now,” Eren’s face was blank and his eyes cold.

Hanji moved without thinking. She drew her gun and pointed it at Eren. “I won’t let you,” she whispered.

“You’re going to shoot me?” Eren stepped around the bed and walked slowly forward. Hanji’s hand shook and she tried to steady it with her other hand. It didn’t help much.

“I won’t let you,” she said again. Her throat felt dry.

“Shoot me, then,” Eren walked closer.

“Stop,” Hanji gasped.

Eren pressed his chest to the barrel of the gun. “Do it, Hanji.” He tilted his head to the side and gave her the same kind smile that he used to. “It’s okay, I won't try to stop you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........... *hides*


	18. Chapter 18

Hanji’s hands fell to her sides and the gun fell to the floor. “I can’t.”

“I know,” Eren said gently. He leaned down and picked up the gun, put the safety on and placed it back in the holster hidden away under her jacket. “Go home, Hanji.”

“Maybe I can help you,” Hanji looked desperately at the young man. “Not kill Heichou, but help you find a way out of this.”

Eren looked at her for a long moment before leaning forward and wrapping her in his arms. “Thank you, Hanji. You’re the best friend I could ask for, but I can’t fathom what you could do.”

Hanji opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Eren’s eyes shot towards the front of the apartment and then he turned to Hanji. “Erica,” he supplied as he moved from the bedroom to answer it, Hanji following behind.

“Hey, boss,” Erica said cheerfully as Eren opened the door.

Eren glanced over his shoulder and sighed. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

“What for?” Erica asked, and her eyes widened as Eren swung the door fully open, revealing Hanji standing behind him. 

“Don’t… Do anything rash,” Eren said, trying to steel himself in the doorway between the two.

“YOU!” Erica bellowed and tried to push past Eren, but he refused to budge. “You shot my sister!”

Hanji’s mouth fell open. “I did what?”

Eren gently wrapped Erica in his arms, successfully soothing her a little while also keeping her from charging Hanji. “Her sister was injured when Levi lead the siege on the MP after they took me. Apparently, she says she was shot by the Maniac Scientist.”

Hanji’s eyes softened. “I’m so sorry, Erica.”

“You’re…. sorry?” Erica stopped fighting Eren and looked at Hanji like she had 6 heads.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t want the family to do that attack, but when it comes to Eren, Levi has a very one track mind. I’m so sorry for any suffering I caused you and your sister,” Hanji’s eyes showed how truly sorry she was.

Erica blinked at her, like she had no idea what to do with an apology. Finally, she pushed herself away from Eren. “Whatever. I'm not the one who you owe that, too, jerk. What do you want, anyway? Have you come to hurt Eren some more?”

“Erica…” Eren protested weakly.

She turned to Eren. “I finished the rifle,” she said without hesitation.

“The rifle?” Hanji raised her eyebrows.

Eren pursed his lips and shook his head slightly. “Just an option I was tossing around.”

“If you can’t shoot him while looking him in the eyes, don't you dare shoot him at all. It’s cowardice to do it any other way, don't you think Levi deserves to know who betrayed him if you go through with this?” Hanji felt her anger rising again. 

“You can’t look me in the eyes and shoot me either, but you still say you wont let me go through with it. What’s your grand plan?” Eren growled, turning dark eyes on Hanji. “What are my options? Lose the love of my life or lose everyone I’ve ever cared about.”

“Or option C, which we have to figure out. Before you make a mistake you can’t fix, because believe me, if you go through with this, you’ll be losing us all anyway,” Hanji stood her ground, even under the intensity on Eren’s glare.

Eren’s shoulders slumped. “You don't think that I have been trying to find option C?”

“He’s been ruining himself over this, asshole,” Erica stepped forward. “How dare you come in here and just accuse him like that. Eren’s lost, can’t you see that?”

Hanji bristled at Erica’s words, but then her eyes caught Eren behind her. At some point, Erica had stepped between them, her tiny, not even 5 foot frame rigid like she was trying to protect Eren from Hanji. Eren sighed heavily and closed the door to the apartment now that Erica was inside and that was when Hanji realized the man looked exhausted. He looked like he hadn't showered in quite some time, like he hadn't really slept in longer, like he hadn't eaten properly since he left Levi’s house, like maybe he was sick. His skin was pale, the bags under his eyes pronounced more than they would have been had his face had it’s usual tanned glow.

“When did you last sleep?” Hanji asked quietly. Despite everything, she felt fear for Eren twinge in her heart, he looked so much like he did when he had been in the height of his panic attacks. She hated seeing him like this, even if she couldn't understand what on earth he was thinking right now.

Eren frowned. “I’m fine, Hanji.”

“No you’re not. You look like you did back when you couldn't tell what was real,” Hanji reached out, careful not to pass Erica, trying to calm both the people in front of her.

Eren’s face scrunched. “I don't want this to be real.”

“I know,” Hanji said gently. “Let me help you, Eren.”

Eren felt something delicate he had been guarding inside himself shatter. He sunk down the door behind him, tears falling from his eyes, pulling his knees to his chest. “Kill me, Hanji, kill me so I don't have to kill Levi. Protect him like you’re supposed to,” he sobbed.

“Eren,” Erica’s voice caught as she turned and fell to her knees next to Eren, carefully pulling him into her arms, cradling him against her, soothingly rubbing circles into his back. He turned into her, as if trying to hide, sobs shaking his body.

Hanji knelt, too, gently placing a hand on his knee. “I can’t do that, Eren. It’s my duty to protect Levi, yes, but also my duty to protect all that he cares about and nothing fits that criteria more than you. Besides that, I love you just as much as I love him. Don't you know that? You somehow managed to make yourself just as important to me as Levi is. Let me help you, but don't ask me to hurt you, Eren.”

Eren reached out and held on to Hanji’s hand. It was then that she noticed the bandage still wrapped around Eren’s wrist. She reached out with her other hand and ran her fingers over it. “What happened?”

Eren pulled back his hand quickly and hid further in Erica’s protective embrace. “N-nothing,” he stuttered.

“Eren…” Hanji leaned forward, letting the sadness show on her face.

“I was low,” Eren whispered. “Erica found me in time.”

“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Hanji asked, trying to keep her voice soft, keep the alarm from showing.

Eren didn't respond for a while. After some time, he pulled back from Erica and met Hanji’s eyes. “Wouldn’t you, if you were in my position?”

Hanji bit her lip. She couldn't imagine being in Eren’s position, but she could see the pain radiating from his face and it was enough to sympathize. “Yes.”

Eren nodded and looked away. “You should go.”

Hanji immediately opened her mouth, wanting to protest, but Eren shook his head and spoke again. “I’ll contact you when I can. I we don't know if I’m being watched by my employer. Go home and wait for me to tell you what we come up with. Erica, Nessa and I are working on this.”

Hanji nodded and stood. “Who’s Nessa?”

“My sister,” Erica said quietly.

Hanji’s mouth opened slightly and then she nodded in acceptance. “Come up with something better than a rifle.”

Eren nodded and stood, too, helping Erica up. “We’re working on it.”

Hanji smiled weakly and turned to the door. “I believe in you,” she said quietly and then left.


	19. Chapter 19

“Levi,” Hanji was standing in the door way of his office and she looked distraught.

“Not now,” Levi said, knowing she was probably worrying about him again.

“But, Heichou,” Hanji started but Levi snapped at her.

“Not. Now,” he growled.

Hanji’s face softened. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Get out,” Levi spat and Hanji actually backed out of the room.

Levi was not fine. Levi was everything that wasn’t fine. He waited until the door clicked shut to break down. He could keep up the masquerade for a while if other people were present, but alone it was impossible. Alone, his shoulders shook with tears he couldn't shed, his hands wound into his hair, tugging at it roughly, compulsively, as if it was somehow helping, his breath caught in his throat, keeping his cries of agony at bay. He had never felt anything like this before. This despair, hopelessness, sense of loss… He’d never experienced this before. He tried to reason with himself, tell himself that Eren had been out of his grasp before. But this was different.

Before Eren was lost. He could find Eren and bring him home and everything would be good again, just as long as he kept searching, never giving up. And he hadn't given up, and while everything hadn't been as it once was, Levi had been happy. He had been able to chase that happiness all the way down into the depths of Eren’s green eyes until he _believed_ that even someone such as him was allowed this. Even when Eren struggled Levi had been there to catch the younger man and everything was _good_ and _right._ No, this time, Eren left of his own volition because Levi just _wasn’t enough_. He had always known it, everything that Eren was had always been too good for Levi. Even when the light that Eren shone with was tarnished by Levi’s life and mistakes, he was worth so much more than Levi deserved. Even as Eren’s body filled with scar after scar he was more beautiful than Levi should have had the right to look upon. There was never a moment that Eren existed in Levi’s life that he wasn't aware that the other man was undoubtedly beyond every measure of what someone as twisted as Levi should have been allowed.  

And yet, he had let Eren’s gentle smiles and soft reassurances that he would always be there lull him into a sense of security, he had let himself believe that someone was rotten as him could have a little bit of happiness. He would do anything, _anything,_ if it meant Eren would let him fall into that fantasy again, just for a little longer. He longed for a touch he knew he should never have been graced with, for a smile he should never have felt the warmth of, a kiss he was wholly unworthy of receiving.

It took him longer than he would like to admit, but eventually Levi calmed himself enough to unravel he's fingers from his hair and focus on the work in front of him. He tried to cram as much work as he could in, knowing that another fit was inevitable, they just kept coming, but maybe he could distract himself with the paperwork for a little bit longer. For just a little bit more time he could pretend he was actually alright.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

Three weeks after Eren left, Marlowe opened the front door to the house, his eyes widening as he looked at the girl standing on the door step. “Hello?”

“Hey, Marlowe. Looks like you’re fitting in just fine here,” Nessa raised her eyebrows at Marlowe.

Marlowe froze. His mind screamed ‘this is bad news’. “Why are you here, Vanessa?” He asked cautiously.

Nessa pursed her lips. “As much as I hate to say it, I’m here to help.”

Slowly Marlowe drew his gun from the holster and pointed it at her. “What do you want?”

Nessa sighed. “Listen, I have business with the Maniac, alright? Tell her I’m here and tell her I have with her awaited message, she’ll know what you mean. Take me with you, leave me here, whatever you want.”

Marlowe hesitated. Luckily, Hanji rounded the corner at that moment. “Marlowe?” she said, surprised by the scene in front of her.

“Maniac Scientist,” Nessa nodded.

“She’s MP, Hanji,” Marlowe said.

“I hear my sister gave you an earful, Maniac,” Nessa narrowed her eyes at Hanji. “Do you like your work?” She motioned to her missing arm.

“Marlowe, put that away,” Hanji replied, calmly and walked over, pulling Nessa into the foyer and closing the door. “Nessa, I assume?”

Nessa nodded. “Guilty.”

Hanji hesitated and then bowed deeply at the waist. “I apologize for the damage I have caused you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here to help Eren,” Nessa waved off the apology, almost looking uncomfortable. “Trust me, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my cute little sister begging me.”

Hanji nodded. “Come to my lab, tell me about it,” Hanji turned and walked way. “I know you don't like me, but you don't have to call me by my codename.”

Nessa followed Hanji into the lab. “What else would I call you?”

“My name,” Hanji offered, settling on a stool. “I’m Zoe Hanji. Everyone just calls me Hanji.”

Nessa hesitated before sitting down. “Zoe.”

Hanji scrunched up her face. “Or you can stick with Maniac Scientist, I get it. Anything but Zoe.”

Nessa bit her lip, stifling a giggle. “Hanji,” she corrected herself. But then she sobered up. “Have you told him?”

“Levi?” Hanji asked and rested her head on her hand. “No, I don't know how to tell him. There’s so much and I don't know how he’ll take it, not to mention if I come to him with anything but business these days, he shuts me down before I get a sentence out.”

“Call him, I’ll do it,” Nessa said quietly. “We’ll need his cooperation for our plans to work.”

Hanji nodded quietly and stood. “He’s working in his home office. It’s easier to just go there.”

Nessa nodded and followed Hanji to the office. “Heichou,” Hanji called, pushing open the door.

Levi didn't look up. “I told you not to disturb me.”

Hanji opened her mouth, but Nessa stepped forward. “I’ve come for Eren.”

Levi froze and then slowly turned his eyes to the door, analyzing the girl standing with Hanji. Instead of addressing her, he looked to Hanji. “Who the hell is this?”

Hanji sighed quietly. “There are things I haven't told you, Heichou. This is Nessa and she’s come to help us.”

Nessa shook her head. “No, I’ve come to help Eren. I couldn't care less about you all, but Eren is my baby sister’s best friend and he’s a poor, tortured kid that didn't deserve anything he got. I’m here to help out the sweetheart who, for some crazy reason seems to care about you enough that he’s destroying himself.”

Hanji nodded. “My apologies.”

Levi slowly nodded. “Take a seat.”

Nessa walked forward and plopped down into a seat across the desk. “First of all, I’m going to tell you how much of an idiot you are.”

“Nessa-“ Hanji started, but Levi shook his head.

“I’ve heard quite a bit of his story both from Erica and the man himself and, from what I can tell, if you hadn’t shut him out, none of this would have happened,” Nessa glared at Levi. “How stupid can you be? You claim to love him, but if you do, you gotta love all of him, not just the happy, nice parts.”

Levi blinked at her. “What are you talking about?”

Hanji stepped forward. “Eren had been getting assassination jobs behind our back.”

“What?” Levi’s eyes shot to her.

“He was tired of trying to just be who he used to be. He tried for you, but it was breaking him. How could you be so blind?” Nessa raised an eyebrow.

“Nessa,” Hanji frowned. “We get it. Move on.”

“Did you know he tried to kill himself after he left here? How would anyone know, though, that cut just another hidden in all of those scars. Do you have no idea how to protect an innocent, or are you just that conceited, thinking him being in the presence of God’s grace enough?” Nessa’s words were biting.

Levi’s eyes moved between Hanji and Nessa. “Why are you here?” His voice was low, almost threatening.

“I already told you. I’m here to help out someone you should have looked after better,” Nessa rolled her eyes. “If you had, none of us would be here and I wouldn't be 3/4 of a person.”

“If you could,” Hanji gritted her teeth. “Would you mind getting to the plan?”

Levi’s whole body was tense as he watched the interaction. His fingers itched to wind into his hair, but he fought it down and tried to keep his cold demeanor. “Why do I feel like I’m the only one out of the loop?”

“I made a mistake,” Hanji admitted, her shoulders slumping. “I’ve been investigating Eren for months, but I couldn't tell you because I thought… I couldn't bring myself to tell you that I thought…” Hanji couldn't even find the words to say it now.

“You thought he was sleeping with my sister,” Nessa supplied, glaring up at Hanji. “He told us.”

Levi dropped his pen. “Excuse me?”

“He’s not,” Nessa offered, turning back to him. “He’s like our family now. We’re looking after him for you. More important than that, though, is why I am here.”

“Why _are_ you here?” Levi asked again, hoping to move this along.

“Because Eren was given a job by someone who threatened everyone he cares about. That’s why he left. The job is to kill you,” Nessa looked into Levi’s eyes, laying out the facts. “He didn't know what to do, it was you or everyone and he asked Eri for help and then eventually, me as well. For the record, we both told him to do it.”

“Hanji?” Levi broke the eye contact and looked to her for confirmation.

Hanji closed her eyes and sighed. “I’ve seen the file.”

Levi pressed his lips into a line. “I don't like being the last one to find out things.”

“I’m sorry, Heichou,” Hanji whispered.

Levi turned back to Nessa. “So you say you're here to help him. Exactly how do you plan to do that? Kill me for him?”

“I wish it could be that simple. The employer gave him a body camera to record it,” Nessa frowned. “They seem to have thought of everything.”

“I’m assuming you came here with a plan of some sort, Nessa,” Hanji prodded.

“Yes, to put it simply, Levi has to die and Eren has to do it,” Nessa narrowed her eyes. “That’s all there is to it.”

“Nessa!” Hanji admonished.

She was ignored. “He will come to see you within the next week,” Nessa pulled a box out of her large purse and placed it on the desk. “This is a parting gift to you from Eri. I hope you can make at least this easy for him. After all you’ve put him through, he deserves a least one thing to be as easy as it can be. No offense, but I hope I never see you again.” Nessa stood. “I remember how to get out of here. Good bye.” And with that, she left, leaving Levi and Hanji just staring at the box on the desk.


	20. Chapter 20

“Levi,” the name was soft and Levi’s whole body tensed at the sound. He slowly turned around to see Eren standing behind him. He rushed forward, his cursed legs refusing to support the sudden speed, but Eren caught him as he toppled forward. Levi’s arms came up to hold Eren’s waist in a near death grip, not out of necessity, Eren was holding him up easily enough, no, because he was terrified that this was a dream and he didn't want to let go of the younger man.

“Hey,” Eren said quietly, running his fingers though the older man's hair. “I need to breathe, too.”

Levi loosened his grip, but didn't let go. “I didn't think you would come back,” he breathed.

“I didn't think I would either,” Eren muttered and gently pushed Levi to stand on his own feet.

Levi did so reluctantly, but he looked up at Eren longingly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Eren whispered. “I… There is something I have to do.”

Levi tilted his head to the side. “What is it?”

“I need your permission,” Eren felt tears welling in his eyes, but he forced them away.

“Anything,” Levi responded.

Eren pulled the file out of his bag and held it out to Levi. “I have to kill you. If I don't then the person who gave me this will kill everyone in the family.”

Levi stared a the file, but didn’t take it. “Is the threat verified?”

Eren took a shaky breath. “As verified as it can be.”

Levi raised his eyes to meet Eren’s. “Take my life.”

Eren slowly drew his gun from inside his jacket. “I will never stop loving you until the day I die.”

Levi held his gaze, not even flicking his eyes down to the gun. “No, Eren, forget me, find someone who will love you better than I could.”

Eren’s hand shook as he took aim. “There is no such thing.”

Levi tilted the corners of his lips up into a smile. “I love you,” he said. Then the smile faded and the serious look returned. “I’m sorry this burden has fallen to you.”

Eren’s hand shook harder. “Me too.”

“Take the shot,” Levi whispered.

“Heichou!” Hanji’s voice rang out from behind him. 

Levi closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he reopened them and locked eyes with Eren again. He motioned over his shoulder, a clear stand down. “Hanji, this is my will. Follow Eren and support him as you did me. I have faith in you.”

“NO!” Hanji screamed and started to run forward. As she did, the sound of a gun shot rang out and Levi fell. Eren dropped the gun and screamed. He ran forward and cradled Levi in his arms.

“No, no, no,” he whispered, tears falling freely from his eyes. “Levi, no…”

Levi coughed, blood seeping past his lips. “It’s okay,” he whispered weakly. 

“It’s not,” Eren sobbed. “I should have… I should have found a way.”

Hanji knelt on the other side of Levi. “What have you done,” she hissed, glaring daggers at Eren.

“Protect him, Hanji. Or I wont forgive you,” Levi coughed out as his eyes slid shut. “Eren is my successor to do with this family as he wills.”

Hanji looked at Eren in horror, tears sliding down her cheeks. Eren openly sobbed shaking his head. When Hanji registered that Levi’s breathing had stopped, she stood, taking Eren with her, gripping him by the collar. “How could you?” She screamed in his face. Eren just cried harder. “I should kill you! I hate you!” She threw him to the ground and looked down at the still body of her boss and blinked away her tears. “But I wont disobey his last order. No matter how much I hate you, I will follow you.”

“I don’t-“ Eren started but Hanji cut him off.

“The head of the family should not lie on the floor sniveling,” she said coldly. Eren stared at her and blinked. Then he stood slowly, hiccuping and wiping his face. “Stop crying. You have no right to cry. Pull yourself together, you're representing his family now,” she hesitated and then her eyes softened a bit. “Like when I used to work you through your panic attacks, Eren.”

Eren nodded and took slow deep breaths. After several long moments, he had himself under control. “We… We have to go meet the man who employed me.”

Hanji’s eye twitched slightly. “If you don't mind, I’d rather not go to the place Erwin used to work. We were… close.”

Eren nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” Eren glanced down, but didn't dare lay eyes on Levi’s body again. “Take care of him. We will have a proper funeral. I will be waiting in your lab to leave when you're done.”

Hanji flinched slightly but nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

Eren ripped the body cam from his chest once he entered the lab and tossed it onto the the table, cracking the lens. He sunk down into a stool and sobbed silently, cradling his head in his hands. It was too much, too far, too real, too much, too much, TOO MUCH. With shaking hands, he pulled out his cell phone and called the most recent number in his contacts.

“Boss,” Erica’s voice came through the phone after the second ring.

“It’s too much, I can’t… I can’t breathe, Erica, help,” Eren sobbed.

“You did it,” Erica’s voice filled with comprehension.

“I love him, I love him, help me, please, help me,” Eren’s words were so distorted by his sobbing that he couldn’t be sure Erica could even tell what he was saying.

“Where are you?” Erica asked.

“The house, please, hurry,” Eren gasped out.

“I’m coming for you, boss, you hang in there, deep breaths, okay? I’m going to have Jimmy drive me over, he speeds when he’s not in a hurry, so I should be there in no time. Do you need me to stay on the phone with you?” Erica spoke soothingly, interrupting herself from time to time to talk to someone else, probably Jimmy, her only employee.

It only took Erica twenty minutes to arrive at the house, and Eren met her in the doorway. She held onto him, soothing him until he stopped shaking. After a while, she pulled back and pulled a tissue out of her bag, holding it out for him.

“You look like hell, boss,” she teased gently.

Eren laughed horsely. “I feel worse.”

Erica nodded, understandingly. “I guess it all worked, then…”

Eren nodded in return. “Too well.”

“You just have to make it through the next little while, boss. You’re going to be fine,” Erica soothed.

Eren nodded again and lead her back to Hanji’s lab when Hanji was waiting for them. “Sir,” she said stiffly. “Erica.”

“Maniac Scientist,” Erica acknowledged.

It was then that Eren’s phone pinged.

 

_Unknown/ I got the footage. Good job, Titan. Cute acting. Was nice to_

_see Hanji cry, though._

 

Eren frowned, but decided to ignore the dig at his emotions. If this man wanted to think he was so cold that he wouldn't have cried over Levi dying in front of him, by his own hand, then let him. He wondered for the hundredth time what the guy had against Levi’s family.

 

_E/ Out of respect to my subordinate, I want to change the meet location._

 

_U/ I saw that. Pick a place, I don’t care._

 

Eren hesitated, biting his lip, before he made up his mind.

 

_E/ There is a warehouse by the docks. I’ll send you the address._

 

_U/ Fine._

 

Eren blinked away more tears and sighed as he sent the correct address to the unknown number. “I made the meet for… That warehouse. It seemed…Fitting.”

Hanji hesitated. “Not the one where you were kept?”

Eren nodded. “The very one.”

“Why would you ever want to go back there?” Hanji asked, her brow furrowing.

“It was appropriate,” Eren turned away. “Erica, we have to go meet my employer.” 

Erica nodded. “Do you need me there?”

Eren shook his head. “I don't want you in danger. Stay here.”

Erica nodded and reached out, gently squeezing Eren’s arm reassuringly. “It’s going to be just fine, boss.”

Eren smiled weakly, even if he didn’t fully believe her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now.... Um... Don't riot. Um... *runs and hides*


	21. Chapter 21

Hanji and Eren arrived at the warehouse and a shiver ran through Eren’s body. Hanji watched him in the rearview mirror. “You should have picked somewhere else.”

Eren shook his head, despite the fear that coursed through his veins when he looked at that building. He realized he had crossed his arms at some point when he noticed that he was gripping himself so tightly that his nails bit his skin. He quickly pulled his arms apart and placed then at his sides. Now wasn't the time for weakness. “This is the right place to do this. It’s where all of this started, it’s where it should end, too.”

“Nothing is ending,” Hanji said quietly as she put the car into park and climbed out, opening the door for him. “Let’s get this over with.”

Eren nodded and walked slowly towards the building that haunted his dreams even now. He stood in the main room of the building that looked all too innocent for the memories it held. He shook his head roughly, trying to push away the weakness that bubbled up inside him. He clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking and steeled himself, knowing now wasn't the time to break down. After waiting for ten minutes, his employer arrived.

He waked into the building and Eren tossed the file onto the ground in front of him. “The job is complete,” he whispered, not losing it then and there by sheer force of will. He could feel the pain bubbling below the surface, but he held himself together, kept himself from losing it entirely. He dug his nails into his palms to ground himself and took comfort in Hanji’s presence, even if she was livid with him.

The man walked into the light and Hanji gasped. “You! This was all your doing?”

The man grinned. “Long time no see, pipsqueak.”

Hanji growled and stepped forward, but Eren held out his hand, stopping her. “You know this man?”

Hanji nodded, fighting the urge to ignore Eren’s direction. “Yes. His name is Kenny, and he is Levi’s uncle.”

Eren’s eyebrows twitched like he was trying to keep the surprise off of his face. “What?”

“Ah, it seems like the cat is out of the bag,” Kenny grinned widely but there was no kindness there. “You see, Titan, the family now in your care should have been mine.”

“What are you talking about,” Hanji snarled. “It was left to Heichou.”

“Well, I did all the leg work, it should have been mine, if only my sister hadn’t had the little brat, it would have been,” Kenny shrugged like what he was saying was of no consequence. “Do you know how long I had to plan to kill them and make it look like an accident only to watch _my_ family fall into his incapable hands?”

“How dare you,” Eren said quietly. “How dare you talk about Levi like that.”

Hanji was shaking her head. “We always knew it wasn't an accident. Now we can prove it.”

“What good will that do, pipsqueak?” Kenny laughed.

“Don’t call me that like you're still family,” Hanji hissed. Kenny had called her pipsqueak when she and Levi were children, before they knew the burden of being number one and two in the family. 

Kenny shrugged. “Well, anyway, how I see it, there’s only one of two things that are going to happen now. One, you hand over leadership of the family to me, Titan, or I kill you and take it. Either one is fine with me.”

Eren raised his eyes slowly. He had been staring at the ground this whole time. He spent several seconds leveling Kenny with his hardest glare before he spoke. “I don’t want this family.”

“Oh, that makes it easier,” Kenny laughed, a dark, twisted sound. “Hand it over then. If you want, I’ll keep you on as a subordinate.”

“If I could, I would,” Eren said slowly.

Kenny narrowed his eyes. “Aw, this isn't because of my silly nephew’s dying wish, is it?”

Eren paused before he shook his head. “No, it’s because this isn't my family to give away.”

“What?” Kenny faltered for the first time.

Eren’s eyes focused on the door. Kenny whipped around as it swung open and a figure entered. Levi, with blood still staining his shirt walked in slowly, forcing his gait to remain regular despite the fact that he wasn't using his cane.

“Hello, Uncle,” Levi said, his normal blank expression in place on his face. In his hand he held a gun and he swung it up to point at Kenny. Eren let out an audile sigh of relief and Hanji grinned. 

Eren shifted closer to Hanji and whispered. “That’s real, right? You see him, too?”

Hanji glanced at him, surprised. “Of course.”

Eren nodded and sunk down to his knees, relief washing over his mind, making him feel limp. The assassination had been too real in Eren’s head, it was too easy to believe that it had truly happened, and now he could see the evidence of the plan Nessa, Erica and he had come up with. Eren was glad, possibly for the first time, that his lack of grip on reality had turned out the way it had. This way, Levi was alive and fine. 

“How, I saw you die,” Kenny whispered.

Levi clenched the hand that wasn't holding the gun, the blood stain on his chest growing as he did. “Eren’s friends apparently like party tricks,” Levi raised an eyebrow. “Was enough to fool you, though, so I suppose they’re useful after all.”

“I planned everything flawlessly,” Kenny stuttered. “This shouldn’t be possible.”

“Clearly, that is false,” Levi said. “Good bye, Uncle.” And with that he pulled the trigger. Kenny fell to the ground, dead.

Eren stared at Levi, his eyes slowly widening. “Levi…” He whispered. He reached out and Hanji immediately helped him to his feet, but once there, Eren couldn't seem to move, even to breathe.

“Eren,” Levi tilted his head to the side. “Are you alright?”

Eren was shaking. He didn't know how to stop it, and all he knew is he felt like a deer in headlights. _You shot him_ , Eren’s brain screamed _you treated him so terribly, you hurt him and you left him_. More than anything, Eren feared seeing disappointment in those dark eyes. He feared knowing that Levi knew now how much of a screw up Eren was. He realized, he wasn't afraid of retribution for his most recent transgressions, but was actually afraid of the acknowledgement that this is actually how he’s always been.

He just stood there for a few seconds until Levi took a step forward and then, Eren turned and bolted. He ran, icy fingers gripping his heart and squeezing it tighter with every step he took away.


	22. Chapter 22

“Eren!” Hanji cried out, but he was already running and he couldn’t stop. He couldn't look back, he had to run, had to get away. He had no right to be here. He had to escape.

But Eren’s panic all but blinded him. In his terror, he ran straight into an abandoned pile of boxes, bouncing off them like a rag doll and fell backwards, smacking his head on the ground. He blinked slowly, his sight blurry for a few moments and a sight that was strangely familiar filled his vision. Black boots approaching him, stopping just in front of him, and he almost expected the same blow he had expected back then. But just as before, it never came. This time, Levi’s jacket didn’t come either. This time, Levi knelt in front of him.

“I’m an idiot,” Levi said. “Your friend told me that.”

Eren looked at him, stunned. “Nessa?”

Levi nodded seriously. “You’ve always know that, though, haven't you?”

Eren shook his head hard. “You’re not.”

“Hm,” Levi hummed. “In many ways, I am. Like how I couldn't figure out that I was driving you away.”

“No, Levi, no,” Eren whispered. “You’re not… It’s not…”

“I am,” Levi smiled slightly. “There’s no use in arguing against the facts. But, I promise to try to be less of an idiot if you promise to talk to me.”

“You want me to come back to the house?” Eren asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes,” Levi replied. He stood and offered a hand to Eren. When they younger man took it, he continued. “The way I see it, my family needs a proper hitter. We are small but strong and having Titan backing us up would be incredibly beneficial.”

Eren nodded, his heart sinking. “So you want me to work for you.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

Eren nodded slowly. “Yeah…”

“Here’s the only condition,” Levi looked deep into Eren’s eyes. “Work from home, so I can spend more time with my husband.”

Eren blinked. “You still want me?”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Was there ever a question of that?”

“I… I hurt you,” Eren whispered.

“And I hurt you,” Levi replied. “And we should talk about that, but let’s go home first.”

Eren nodded mutely. He followed Levi as the older man led him from the warehouse until he paused again.

“You should have picked another place,” Levi said, looking over his shoulder. “You didn't need to punish yourself like that.”

Eren’s eyes shot up. “I-“

But Levi shook his head. “You did some things wrong, but you didn't deserve this. Come on.” He held out his hand to Eren and the younger man hesitated for barely half a second before he grasped that hand like it was the most precious thing in the world. Levi took one step and then stopped again and stood still after that, his breathing coming out in a rush and Eren immediately stepped forward.

“Are you alright?” Eren asked, worried.

Levi nodded. “I pushed myself a bit more than I probably should have,” he said slowly. “But I’ll be fine once I take some medication.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “You were forcing yourself to walk normally. That couldn't have been comfortable.”

Levi shook his head. “It wasn’t.”

Eren snorted out a laugh. “You and your obsession with appearances.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at Eren. “They’re important.”

“Mhm,” Eren nodded seriously and then scooped Levi up into his arms. “Very important, but now you’ll have to deal with being seen like this.”

Levi sighed and rested his head against Eren’s shoulder. “I will choose to pick my battles and accept this,” he said quietly, his arms looping around Eren’s neck.

Eren smiled, and while he knew that he and Levi had a lot they needed to discuss, he felt better than he had in a long, long time.

 

_``~`**`~``_

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were hurting?” Eren bit his lip and looked up at Levi from where he was curled against the older man on their bed.

Levi remained silent for a few minutes, studying the wall across from the bed where they were sitting. He seemed to be thinking over his words, but Eren could see the hesitation in his eyes. “It’s what I thought you needed from me.”

Eren blinked, leaning back on his elbow so he could look Levi in the eyes. “You were in so much pain you couldn't stand on your own and didn't say a word because ‘you thought it’s what I needed from you’?” The look of his face was one of pure horror.

“Yes,” Levi said quietly. He paused again and Eren couldn’t find the words to express how upset this made him. After a few moments, Levi continued. “I knew… That there was something wrong in your mind. Even I could see that and when you came to my office the first time and… Took what you needed from me, you seemed to be in a better mood afterwards and I was… Alright with being that for you. That release,” Levi stumbled over his words a bit.

“It’s never alright if it hurts you!” Eren squeezed his eyes shut and scooted backwards on the bed, as if trying to distance himself from Levi.

“It was alright. I accepted it. I thought that if I could do nothing else for you, then at least I could do that,” Levi looked away and then sighed. 

“It’s not!” Eren’s eyes remained shut and he started shaking his head. “It’s not, it’s not…”

Levi frowned as Eren continued to repeat the words like a mantra. And he cracked a just a bit. “I thought you didn't love me any more. I thought that’s all I could give you,” he said the words a little louder than he had intended and sat frozen afterwards.

Eren’s eyes snapped open and he stared at Levi like he was crazy. “Why would you think that?” He asked weakly.

“The last time we had sex, you asked me if we could not fight and just love each other like we used to. I knew I still loved you as I always had so I figured that meant that you no longer felt the same. Even before that, you’d leave immediately after sex and I was prepared…” Levi’s voice drifted off, but he forced himself to continue after a few minutes. “If giving you my body in any way you wanted was all that was left of my worth to you, I was willing to give that to you. If I could have nothing else, at least I could still have that.”

Tears welled in Eren’s eyes and he reached for Levi, but stopped midway, almost as if he was afraid to touch the older man. “You’re worth so much more than that,” he whispered.

Levi looked at Eren for a few moments before he reached out and took Eren’s hand that had fallen to the bed, lacing their fingers together. “I love you, Eren.”

“I love you, too,” Eren sobbed out and he collapsed forward, burying his face into Levi’s chest. “I hurt you so much that you doubted I still loved you and you’re trying to comfort me right now. You should be yelling at me, not holding my hand.”

Levi rested his cheek against the top of Eren’s head and sighed softly. “I’m just happy you came home,” he whispered. “I made mistakes, and I think that it’s mostly my fault, because you were hurt before I was and I was too blind to see it. Why didn't you tell me? You know how I am.”

Eren took a while to calm down before he answered. “I didn't want to disappoint you. I could see you wanted me to be who I used to be.”

Levi was quiet for a moment, but the arm that wasn't pinned between him and Eren, still holding the younger man’s hand came up to squeeze Eren tighter against him. “I want you to be happy.”

Eren bit his lip. “But everyone was treating me like I should be just like I was before anything happened and… And I didn't want to break the illusion and tell you I wasn't what you thought.”

Levi nuzzled his cheek against Eren. “Even if you are different, you're still the man I married. I had wanted to preserve your innocence, but I can see now that isn't want you needed from me.”

“But I’m not the same,” Eren said. “I’m not the same man.”

Levi squeezed him a little tighter. “No, you’re not. You have been broken down and reshaped into someone harder. Someone who knows what it means to just survive, in any way necessary. Someone who had to fight to be a whole person again. And yet, you are still soft and kind. You still shine as brightly as the sun, even though the dark nature of the world I live in was forced on you. It’s my fault, Eren, can you forgive me for letting you take this burden?”

Eren sniffled. “It’s not your fault. I wanted to be here.”

“Do you still want to?”  Levi asked carefully.

“Always,” Eren whispered into Levi’s chest. “Without you, I’m not whole.”

Levi smiled gently. “I know the feeling.”

“I’m sorry I put you through this,” Eren said, quietly. “It’s like when I remembered, I forgot who I am. And what we have.”

Levi nodded a little. “But you’re back now and I won't ever let you go again.”

Eren was quiet for a few minutes before he laughed. “If you never let me go, how will either one of us work?”

Levi paused in surprise, blinking down at Eren, who had turned his face to grin up at Levi. And then he laughed. Full, honest laughter that Eren nuzzled further into his chest to feel as much as he heard it.

And they both knew that they were going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovelies, it's the end. The final, true finish of this story I accidentally wrote.  
> It's been a pleasure. I couldn't have done it without your support.  
> See you in the next fic. <3


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